N-barrassed

This past weekend few buddies of mine came over to watch the Nebraska/Texas game, we decided to spice up the game playing drinking game where each of us agreed to drink each time a Nebraska receiver dropped a pass. What started as a fun way to have a couple cold ones, turned into a game of survival by halftime. In the end, two of my buddies were rushed to the hospital to have their stomach’s pumped (light weights!), while other two of us (me included) were merely unconscious.

Yeah, it seemed to be that bad!

The tombstone is dated October 16^th, 2010, it reads “R.I.P. – 2010 Nebraska Football Title Hopes”. Just when it seemed that this season had an Oklahoma “Year 2000″ feel to it – no dominate team, favorable schedule, win one big game and find yourself in the BCS Championship, the Huskers came up small at the worst possible time. That my collective groan heard late Saturday afternoon was the entire state of Nebraska bemoaning the Huskers effort against their adopted rival, Texas. It wasn’t pretty folks.

Normally, a mid-year loss for a highly ranked wouldn’t necessarily eliminate them from contention, but this was no ordinary loss. And while sports is never “life or death”, this game, at least for “Big Red Nation”, seemed about as close to that as one would want to get that extreme. For 10 months, the Huskers have talked about “REDemption”, redeeming not only for the Big XII championship game one year ago, but for the seemingly endless breaks that Texas has gotten in this series against the Huskers and for the fact that the Longhorns had forced their polices on the BIG 12, despite being rescued by the former BIG-8 prior to the Southwest Conference circling the drain in 1995. “Beat Texas” became the theme for the 2010 Huskers.

Then in April the Huskers announced that they were leaving the BIG XII to join the BIG 10, and in not so many words, basically told Texas they were tired of smiling and politely declining a second helping of Longhorn droppings. The Huskers were breaking up with the BIG XII, forcing the conference into “rebound” mode where the commissioner essentially sell his soul to Satan (Texas) to keep it alive.

My opinion was this was a great move for the Huskers for several reasons – 1. Getting away from “world revolving around” Texas; 2. The Big 10 is a natural fit for Nebraska; 3. The BIG 10 has always been the media darling; and 4. The move will strengthen Nebraska’s recruiting by giving them leads in Ohio, Michigan, Illinois and Pennsylvania.

And the move would give Nebraska one more shot at Texas with everything going the Huskers way – Texas would have a new quarterback; the game would be in Lincoln; and the Huskers would be highly motivated. This would be the season to even the score with Texas and bail on the conference without having to worry about a return trip to Texas the following season. I wanted this game badly for not only myself but the great people of Nebraska. Most Husker fans shared a similar feeling about this final game, with one of my friends telling me, “I don’t really care if we only one a single game this year as long as it is Texas that we beat.”

Well, boys and girls, a funny thing happened on the way the “REDemption”, the Huskers let Husker Nation down in a big way with a pitiful performance by the entire program, athletic director (ducking lightning bolt), players, band, announcers and even cheerleaders. But the majority of this disgrace is on the coaches, who clearly did not have this team ready to play. Don’t get me wrong, Texas has big time talent, and more than one Texas team has simply out-talented teams during Mack Brown’s time in Austin, but it is rare that good ol’ Mack gets the better of his coaching counterpart. But that happened on this past Saturday, I never thought I would see the words written or spoken, “Bo Pelini got taken behind the woodshed by Mack Brown!” Coaches are expected to lose recruits to Mack Brown, who though I would love to punch square in the nose would likely charm me to the point of punching myself for the mere thought of harming such a delightful man like Brown. All that talent has allowed Brown to stay employed, despite the fact he severely lacks in game management and preparation. But Saturday was different as I admired the Longhorns game-plan and with the exception of the funky, unnecessary fake field goal pooch kick, the Horns stayed the course with their plan.

The Huskers not so much! They continued to attempt the zone-read play, though that was a focus of the Texas defense. They’re were passing lanes available most of the day, though the passing game is greatly enhanced by receiver who actually catch the ball, yet the Huskers repeatedly watch Sam Acho “-Acho man”, destroy the quarterback three yards behind the line of scrimmage.

Defensively, the mighty Blackshirts had very little discipline and were fooled several times by mis-direction. Their D-Line was dismantled by the Longhorns O-Line (remember last year when Suh told America that Jared Crick was going to be better than he was; remember how we all believed that!). Special teams were typically abysmal, allowing an early game-changing punt return and turning in a poor effort on every one of their returns, save for the pooch return.

Hang on a Husker receiver just dropped another touchdown!

Losses like this get the attention of the fan base and weaken otherwise strong support for the head coach. Pelini has done a masterful job of turning the Huskers around in a short period of time but in his first real test as big favorite against a “rival” team he did not deliver even a moderate performance. Now I think it is fair to at least question where Pelini is the guy to lead this team to the next level, to the heights the Huskers achieved in the mid-90s. It’s far too early to tell, but I would tell you, I think the unthinkable (“Fire Pelini”) is at least on the radar, albeit at quite a distance.

Tuesday Morning Recap – NFL Coaching 101: Game Management

Thirty-two. That’s the number of NFL head coaches. To say that this is a premium job is an understatement. In fact this might be the best job in the US – as football is the most popular sport in the US and growing globally, plus the salary is likely to be at least a million dollars a year. In addition, the job is “first class” all the way around. With only 32 of these jobs available, the men who possess these jobs have to the best of the best. They have to be highly intelligent, great leaders, tireless workers, attentive to even the most mundane details, innovative thinkers and they must possess self-control.

Because the jobs are premium and the NFL is so popular these 32 are highly scrutinized, sometimes un-fairly. For example, last night Mike McCarthy will take a lion’s share of the blame for the 900 penalties the Packers committed, as Packer fan will tell – “he did not have them ready to play”. And isn’t lack of coaching that James Jones doesn’t know that when carrying the ball it should be in the outside arm? And Lovie Smith cannot escape blame for the decision to forgo a tying field goal for a failed fourth down attempt (a pass play from 3 inches out?). So, sure the blame and bemoaning falls on the head coach even though it’s irrational and not entirely his fault. That comes with the job.

But most of that is forgivable, in the Bears case immediately because they won. And for the Packers after their next win. But what should not be forgivable is what occurred at the end of the game – sheer, utter stupidity (SUS), so egregious it should be an offense that carries a penalty of termination. Amazingly enough both coaches were guilty of SUS in the final minutes, yet one of these boneheads escaped with a win.

What did they do? The following is my recap of the final two minutes:

With 1:51 left in the game, the Bears run a pass play on 2^nd and 8 from the Packers 33. The result of the play is the Packers 17^th (not, as I am prone to do, an exaggeration, literally their 17^th) penalty of game, this one was a pass interference that gave the Bears a 1^st and Goal at the Packer 9 yard line.

That is where the fun begins and Dumb and Dumber take over as head coaches. 1:44 left, Lovie fires the first shot – he inexplicably calls a running play. Inexplicatbly, why? Well, the Packers with a single timeout left cannot prevent the Bears from running the clock down and kicking a game-winning field goal with no time left. OK, what is the argument against the “field goal” strategy? A missed field goal, bad snap or blocked kick? Sure, but playing the percentages – Robbie has never missed a missed a field goal from 20-29 yards and the odds of a bad snap or blocked kick from that distance are minute. And the only way you don’t at least reach overtime, is on a blocked kick that gets returned for a touchdown – odds of that happening are in the PowerBall jackpot range. Plus, by running an offensive play you risk the following – a. fumble, not just Forte but there is the handoff that has to be clean as well; b. a penalty – look the refs acted like their penalty flags were doused in “liquid hot” prior to the game, why risk that a holding call; and c. scoring a touchdown, yea that is a risk because now you give the ball back to the Packers and give them a chance to tie the game.

In the heat of the moment I can see both coaches have a lapse in judgment, Lovie allowing anything other than a kneel down and McCarthy not realizing that letting the Bears score a touchdown was his only option to win the game. In reality, MaCarthy may have been caught off guard by Lovie’s stupidity of running a play.

This is where it goes from dumb to “SUS” for both coaches. The play goes for six yards to the three and the Packers choose not to call their final timeout. Uh, hello, why not use your timeout right there? Was McCarthy trying to Jedi-Mind trick Lovie? Look, use your timeout, call over the defense and tell them the following, “If they are going to be stupid enough to run a play, then we need to let them score, that is our only chance.” And then right before he sent them back on the field, McCarthy would re-iterate his expectations with, “Listen, you Neanderthals, I know that your DNA is hard-coded to not allow anyone to cross the goal-line and your brain is pea-sized, but let them score!”

Even though no timeout was used each coach still had 39 seconds to get their bearings and do the right thing. Lovie tackling Martz and telling him to call a kneel-down. McCarthy screaming into the helmet mic, “Let them score the TD, let them score the TD!” The play? Another run by Forte! And more great goalline defense by the Packers. At this point every Packer worldwide had undergarment full of partially digested Gouda and I, with only an 11-5 weekly pick record on the line, am riled, I cannot believe the display of “SUS”.

Finally, the Packers call their final timeout with 53 seconds remaining and the Bears facing a 3^rd and goal from the one. In my wildest dreams I am thinking there no chance the Bears will do anything other than kneel. But if they do run a play, the Packers will let them walk into the endzone and give themselves 44 seconds to tie the game.

Well, you know the story the Bears run Forte and Packers bow their necks. Somehow, some way Lovie Smith’s incompetence is outdone by Mike McCarthy’s. I tried to think of a real word comparison for these two. The best I could come up with is borrowed for an old, low budget movie call Sour Grapes. In the movie a doctor is performing surgery to remove a cancerous testicle on a patient, but he has “film” backwards, so he cuts off the good “testy”, but still has to remove the bad one, thus rendering the patient a eunuch. That would be Lovie Smith.

Mike McCarthy would be the same doctor in the same situation, except he takes the frank off as well.

The only defense for McCarthy is feeble at best, but perhaps he didn’t think of letting the Bears score until third down and by then if he allowed them to score he would have been inundated with “why didn’t you allow them to score on first down?”. Yea, it’s better to save face and tag your team with a division loss!

Unfortunately for McCarthy, that was not his defense. Instead here is his comment after the game, “I did not consider letting them score at the end, I felt they [would miss] a field goal in the end.” The Packers have Super Bowl talent, but they will not win the Super Bowl with this dolt running the show.

And Lovie gets a pass because of McCarthy, but can you imagine if the Packers allowed the Bears to score the touchdown, then drove down to tie the game and won it in overtime – Lovie would be fired today. With or without Lovie, the Bears do not have playoff talent, despite their “smoke and mirror” 3-0 record, but with Lovie they are destined to be 8-8 at best.

Bold Predictions from a Fantasy Football Guru

Granted my primitive mind cannot grasp complex offensive systems nor even understand how a zone blitz works but I do know this when a man wins four fantasy championships in a single season, he will be referred the next year as “FFG” or Fantasy Football Guru. And every piece of communication, whether spoken or written, that flows from him shall be treated as law.

With that in mind I offer the following BOLD predictions regarding the 2010 fantasy football season:

The Over-Achiever Division

• Greg Jennings will catch at least 15 touchdowns this year. Aaron Rodgers looks primed to put up huge fantasy numbers this year and Jennings will be the primary benefactor.
• Arian Foster will score 10+ touchdowns and rush for over 1200 yards. This is risky given the fact that Gary Kubiak is fantasy Satan when it comes to running backs, but through all the Slaton fumbles and Ben Tate getting injured, there simply is not another viable option unless Kubiak himself decides to suit up. And the Texans have a guy by the name of Andre Johnson, who requires a fair amount of attention by opposing defensive coordinators.
• Michael Bush will tote the rock 270+ times for over 1100 yards and score at least 8 TDs in 2010. Another risky pick since at any moment Albert can have a moment of consciousness and command Tom Cable (as his friends call him, “little puppet”) to feed McFadden the ball thirty times. I think the Raiders have it figured out – McFadden is best utilized as a third-down, change of pace type of back not a thirty carry between the tackles guy. And if not, see New Orleans circa 2007 when they tried to make Reggie Bush a featured back. And McFadden is like finesse version of Reggie Bush.
• Frank Gore will finish the year as a top 3 running back. He plays in a division that struggles stopping the run – which will result in something like 900 yards and 9 TDs in those six games.
  
  With six games against the Rams, Seahawks and Cardinals expect to see Frank Gore running free in the secondary early and often.

  Frank would only need to muster an average of 75 yards and .8 touchdowns (or 12 fantasy points) in the remaining ten games to end up in the top three. Consider it done.

• Carson Palmer will throw 30+ touchdowns this year. Yea, I know it’s a run first team and Carson Palmer has resembled a corpse more than an NFL QB over the past two seasons, but you don’t eat 15 million dollars at the receiver position over the last two years (Coles and Bryant), sign TO, draft three pass catchers to hand the ball to Cedric Benson 350 times. And I think the Bengals defense is vastly over-rated and they will be playing catch-up, much like they have for most of the past three decades.
• Tony Romo will throw 40+ touchdowns this year. FFG Rant Alert (I get it – just about 100% of you could care less about my fantasy team, so every time I mention something specific about my team I will give you a heads up) – I let Romo go in one of my keeper leagues, which I began to regret seconds after I did not re-pick him in the draft (Steve Smith NYG instead, ended up with Brett Favre, UGH!). That was two weeks ago, I now I am almost certain that Romo will challenge Tom Brady’s TD record of 50. It’s a little like Brad Pitt giving up an insanely hot, down to earth, faithful woman in Jennifer Aniston for a crazy chick who will decides daily whether or not to honor a commitment to a relationship in Angeline Jolie. Except without the “other part”.
  End
  FFG Fantasy Rant. So, there you have it my shot at reverse jinxing Tony Romo.
• Not only will Ahmad Bradshaw put up the most fantasy points than any other Giant running back, but he will double that of the next closest Giant running back (Bonus prediction – Brandon Jacobs does not finish second amongst RBs on the G-MEN!). It almost as if Bradshaw caught Tom Coughlin’s eye one day this training camp and Coughlin asked his running back coach, “Hey, who is that #44? He’s good.”

The Under-Achiever Division

• Larry Fitzgerald will finish outside the top 15 amongst receivers in fantasy points unless you’re in a league where you get points for WR blocking, number of times helicoptered while leaping for an over-thrown pass or receptions get multiplied by a degree of difficulty (like Olympic Diving).
  
  Here Fitz is attempting the legendary “Triple Lindy”, all while attempting to catch a horribly thrown ball.

  If your league’s scoring system awards points for any of those three items, then trade for Fitz immediately!

• Calvin Johnson will not be the best fantasy receiver on his own team. That title will belong to Nate Burleson. CJ (yea, we’re tight, well at least until he reads this) is a terrific receiver, but he commands a lot of attention and the Lions have a sneaky amount of offensive talent.
• Ray Rice will finish outside the top 10 amongst running backs. Another supremely talented offensive player, but how do we resolve the following: 1. Harbaugh has no desire to give Rice the ball at the goal-line; 2. The Ravens added a significant weapon to their arsenal in Anquan Boldin; 3. They brought back Willis McGahee at 3.6 million; and 4. Signed Houshmandzadeh, who needs the ball. Certainly Rice will have a nice season but I do not see him living up to his top 5 draft position.
• Vernon Davis will be a colossal bust this season finishing as no better than the 15^th best tight end in terms of fantasy points. Reasons – Mike Singletary would love to win every game 3-0, therefore, if the 49er defense lives up to its billing, the 49ers will be burning clock and not risking costly turnovers by putting the ball in air; a full season of Michael Crabtree; and it’s Vernon Davis, who has a history of not living up to his pre-season hype.
• Brandon Marshall will fall outside the top 15 of wide receivers. The Dolphins are “run-first” team; they run roughly 15% of their plays with a running back playing and when they do throw, they like to spread it around.
• Reggie Wayne will be the third best fantasy receiver on the Colts. Pierre Garcon and Dallas Clark will both have better fantasy seasons than Wayne. I know, Clark is a no-brainer but my hunch is that Garcon will take over as the Colts #1 WR.
  

The Just Silly Division

• Sage Rosenfels will throw more touchdowns this year than Brett Favre. Follow the pattern, Year 1 – Favre finds fountain of youth, leads Green Bay to a #2 seed, throws a devastating interception in the NFC championship that ends the Packers hopes of a Super Bowl; in the off-season is un-certain about returning, finally deciding to about the time training camp is over; Year 2 – Looks old, plays crappy, throws a devastating interception that ends Jets season; tells media he is retiring; decides to come back to a different team; And repeat sequence. Guess what? This year is “Year 2″ in that sequence! It is not going to end well for the Vikings or Favre. And this is the Vikings, who already have a tortured fan base that will have to endure a year that begins with them legitimately thinking they can win the Super Bowl and will end with Favre on the bench in week 17. Priceless!
• Greg Olsen will have as many rushes as he has touchdowns. He’s a tight end, he isn’t supposed to carry the ball! But in the Mike Martz system a tight end will get carries on the “TE reverse” (it never works), no passes thrown his way and yet the tight end is never around to block. Martz, what a genius!
• Sam Bradford will throw 10 touchdowns in his first five games. In week six, Luis Castillo will come free on Bradford’s blind side and drive his surgically repaired shoulder into the Edwards James FieldTurf. Bradford will never be the same.
• Legedu Naanee will finish with 75/1000/9 and be the top San Diego wide receiver. Those numbers should also get him in the top 20 among wide receivers in the NFL. Not bad for the 50^th WR taken in most drafts.

The Quick Pick Division

• Thomas Jones over Jamaal Charles - The old dog still has some giddy-up in those old legs.
• Mike Bell over Lesean McCoy - Bell will get the goal-line carries and at least 30% of the carries
• Kyle Orton over Jay Cutler – By mid-season Jay Cutler will be checked into an “abused quarterbacks” shelter and will tell Lovie Smith, “Please don’t tell Martz where I’ve gone”
• Dwayne Bowe over Marques Colston – Way too many options in New Orleans, not so much with the Chiefs.
• Jeremy Maclin over Mike Wallace – This is less about Maclin and more about the un-believable hype on Mike Wallace, though I do believe that Maclin has chance to be the best fantasy WR on the Eagles.

Super Bowl Goats – Bracketology, Part IV

Today is the final installment of the Super Goats Bracketology with the LIMO (Little Momentum), PEN-10 and SOFT conferences.

LIMO Conference Standings

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Brent McClanahan	MIN	XI	Conference Champ
2	Kurt Warner	STL	XXXVI	Lock
3	Eddie Brown	LARams	XIV	Good Shape
4	Fred Cox	MIN	IX	Good Shape
5	Roger Bird	Oak	II	Bubble
6	Bobby Humphrey	DEN	XXIV	Bubble
7	George Blanda	Oak	II	Need Help
8	Joe Gibbs	WASH	XVIII	Need Help

 

Brent McClanhan – The three time Super Bowl loser Vikings had an excellent chance to grab a 7-0 early after blocking a Ray Guy (first ever block of a Guy punt) punt and recovering the ball at the Raider three. Now when a team has lost three Super Bowls, they need good things to happen early, get some confidence and ride it home. Enter Brent McClanhan who promptly fumbled the ball right back to the Raiders. Game Over!

Kurt Warner – Without the Ty Law “pick-6″, no way the Patriots win that game, so yes this was a huge momentum swing. But it all comes back to Mike Martz, who never, ever protects his quarterback and this was no exception as Warner winged the ball to avoid being crushed by Mike Vrabel. How about this Super Bowl stat – teams that return an interception for a touchdown are 9-0. So, you just cannot afford that kind of momentum swing.

Eddie Brown – The Rams held a lead over the heavily favored Steelers early in the fourth quarter, when Eddie Brown decides to blow his coverage responsibility on John Stallworth’s “back-breaking” 73 yard touchdown that essentially ended the Rams hopes.

Fred Cox – Cox blew a 39-yard field goal that would have given the Vikings an early 3-0 lead over Steelers. There is no guarantee that the Vikings win the game if Cox makes the kick, but considering the Vikes had already lost two Super Bowls and had a head coach shrinking from the moment like Henry Winkler’s character in Waterboy, they could ill afford a shank on a relative easy field goal attempt. Nice job Cox!

Rodger Bird – Fumbled a punt late in the second quarter that led to a Green Bay field goal. And as a bonus his name is RODger, man I hate guys with two last names.

Bobby Humphrey – Ya, I know, the 49ers won the game 55-10, so how does a single fumble make such a difference? True enough, but I offer exhibit A – the Broncos had the ball at mid-field trailing 7-3 when Humphrey coughed it up. What happens if the Humphrey doesn’t fumble? Maybe, just maybe, Elway grows a pair and the Broncos drive down to take a 10-7 lead. And maybe that don’t win the game, but it is certainly possible that they stay within 13.5 points, which would have made a huge difference to a certain someone.

George Blanda – Blanda missed a 47-yard field early in the game. No crime in that, right? Except that George missed it short! It was called Geritol, Blanda, you should’ve taken your Geritol!

Joe Gibbs – Remember the Super Bowl stat about teams that return an interception for a touchdown 9-0. Well, using the “inverse property” I can deduct that teams that throw an interception that is returned for a touchdown are 0-9. Thanks to Joe Gibbs, the Redskins are one of those nine teams on the wrong side of the ledger. Gibbs crime – ordering up a play called “Rocket Screen”. And while there is nothing wrong with a screen play in general, this particular play happen to be the same play Gibbs use previously against the Raiders, in the SAME situation. Hmmm, I am not sure what is more shocking – that a Raider player actually remembered or that Gibbs brain cramped.

PEN-10 Conference Standings

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Eugene Robinson	Atl	XXXIII	Conference Champ
2	Stanley Wilson	Cin	XXIII	Lock
3	Harold Carmichael	Phil	XV	Lock
4	Keith Hamilton	NYG	XXXV	Good Shape
5	Barret Robbins	OAK	XXXVII	Bubble
6	Alan Page	MIN	VIII	Bubble
7	Mark Haynes	DEN	XXII	Bubble
8	Darrell Green	WASH	XVIII	Bubble
9	Andre Reed	BUFF	XXVI	Bubble
10	Adrian Awasom	NYG	XLII	Need Help

Eugene Robinson – Eugene, who was the NFL’s MOTY (Man of the Year) in 1998, got arrested the night before the Super Bowl (or the early hours of game day) for soliciting a prostitute. Later that same day, Eugene could be found getting burnt by Rod Smith on an 80-yard touchdown. I get it – these NFL guys need to blow off some steam before a big game, they have a lot on their minds and the last thing they want to do is have to put any effort into picking up a woman at a club. Think about what that it involves – drinks, maybe food, some dancing, listening to small talk, finding a friend for their friend (you know the one with the “great personality”), going through the rounds of “I’m really not like this” and “my boyfriend is out of town . . .”. That is far too much work for a simple “handy”.

Wait Rod, just tell me how much for a handy?

And forget about his wife or significant other? My guess is coach Reeves mandated to all wives/girlfriends that they hold out the week before the game. That didn’t leave “Geno” too many options, so he played, as Eddie Murphy would put it, “craps with his junk”. And he crapped out.

Stanley Wilson – Everyone has a friend who doesn’t have common sense when it comes to partying. Well, Stanley, is that guy. Stan-lo and a couple team-mates decided to blow off steam the night before Super Bowl. Problem is Stanley couldn’t keep it in moderation and his position coach found him in his hotel bathroom “shivering and sweating, with white powder rimming his nose”. Stanley gained enough consciousness to sneak away from the Bengals staffers and out of the hotel. He was not heard from again until Monday morning. The result – Bengals lost their ferocious blocking fullback and the game by a mere four points.

Harold Carmichael – Harold committed as illegal motion penalty on a 40-yard touchdown pass that would have tied the game. Is there a lazier penalty than illegal motion? And the worst part of it – you know you committed the penalty, but the play continues, so you have the perverse thrill of watching it, all the while hoping that nothing good happens. In Harold case, it couldn’t have gone worse! No worries Harold, Vermeil has finally forgiven you.

Keith Hamilton – Hamilton committed a holding penalty on a Giants interception return for touchdown. And since we know that no team has ever lost a Super Bowl when they return an interception for a touchdown, effing Keith Hamilton cost the Giants the game!

Barret Robbins – “Hey Jose, I have to be back around 6PM, can you let me know when it’s 5PM.” “No habla English.” “Thanks, Jose, you’re the best.” Two days later – “Jose, I told you to tell me when it was 5PM, I just missed two days of practice!” That is one of the theories behind Barret Robbins two day dis-appearance from Raiders camp. Ultimately Robbins missed the game and though the Raiders had the expert coaching of Bill Callahan, losing their starting center cost them dearly.

Alan Page – For a guy as smart as Alan Page is, he sure couldn’t figure out the trap play! The Dolphins used the same tactics as the Chiefs in Super Bowl IV and it drove Alan nuts. So much so that Alan lost his cool and committed personal fouls penalties on consecutive plays that ultimately allowed the Dolphins to kill the clock.

Mark Haynes – Defensive backs are taught to commit a pass interference penalty when they’re clearly beaten for a touchdown. In Haynes case, he was beaten so bad by Ricky Sanders that he couldn’t even commit the PI penalty.

Darrell Green – The game was over when Green committed a PI penalty, but he makes the list simply because the penalty was against a guy named Malcolm Barnwell. I mean, come on, has anyone other than Malcolm’s parents, heard of Malcolm Barnwell. And how does he beat Darrell Green into a PI penalty.

Andre Reed – Andre is on the list simply because I had to find a way to get him on here. After all he was my most hated Bill of those Super Bowl losing teams. And since his quarterback couldn’t find him, he really didn’t do much in the actual games. His penalty – a personal foul after he threw his helmet in frustration which prompted Marv Levy to scream “Thurman, there is your helmet!”, as it rolled past.

Adrian Awasom – Who? Adrian Awasom was a DE for the New York Giants in 2007 and though ineligible to pay in Super Bowl XLII, Adrian would still get to stand on the sideline with his team. How awesome would that be – no responsibility but all the glory. And you get to scope the crowd for celebs, so it’s not a bad gig. Except Adrian picked up a DUI a couple days before the Super Bowl which also got him another ticket – home!

SOFT Conference Standings

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Hank Baskett	IND	XLIV	Conference Champ
2	Oscar Reed	MIN	VIII	Lock
3	Kevin Dyson	TEN	XXXIV	Bubble
4	Bruce Hardy	MIA	XIX	Need Help
5	Tony Nathan	MIA	XIX	Need Help

 

Hank Baskett – Baskett, on the heels of his weak performance recovering an on-side kick, is a huge sleeper in this tournament. I mentioned this back in the “10 Plays, 35 point Turnaround” column in February that Baskett is on the kick receiving team specifically for the surprise on-side and not for his physical blocking skills Hank did everything correctly up to the point of actually recovering the kick – he identified the on-side was coming, moved toward the ball and got himself in position to catch the bounding ball. Then Baskett ducked his head, presumably to stick his thumb in his mouth and grab his blankey, before contact and muffed the ball. The Saints recovered the ball, scored a touchdown and the rest is history. If Hank Baskett recovers that kick the Colts win that game! And you want proof this guy is a going to be a major player in this tournament? After the Super Bowl, Hank appeared on the cover of the tabloids

Good thing I still have my reality show! I still have that, right?

with the caption “Hank is still dealing with blowing the Super Bowl and he is angry over Kendra’s sex tape”.

Oscar Reed – The Vikes gave the “O-Dog” the ball three consecutive times, needing merely a yard to gain a first and goal. Oscar responded with one yard in the first two attempts and then a lost fumble on fourth down. When he came off the field, Bud Grant pulled him aside and whispered in his ear, “Next time, try to clear a path by frantically swinging your purse in front of you.”

Kevin Dyson – “McNair drops to pass, he fires quickly over the middle to Kevin Dyson at the five, Dyson to the one, ahhhhhhh, Dyson is stopped by a 5 MPH gust of wind, Rams win!” Honestly, I have re-watched that play hundreds of times and I still have no idea how Dyson got stopped. No offense to Mike Jones, but how does Dyson not blow through that tackle? Think about it, the tackle was made with terrible form –Jones head was behind Dyson thigh, he had no base and he didn’t even get an arm on Dyson. So, essentially Mike Jones stopped a 208 pound man, with momentum, by single handed tackle, while completely off-balance. My guess is the Titans coaches figured he would get some contact in the middle but he would be tough enough to get through to the end zone, otherwise they would have thrown the ball into the end zone.

Bruce Hardy – When a team deploys a 4-1-6 defense against you, the tight end has got to be able to block a defensive back. The 49ers primarily took away the pass from the Dolphins by opening the doors for them to run (hey, wait a minute I thought that was Belichick’s idea?). Problem is the Dolphins tried to run but couldn’t, mostly due to Hardy being a “cheesecakey end”, but some of it was because . . .

Tony Nathan – Nathan didn’t have the moves to juke defensive backs or the power to break their tackles. I almost feel like together there two could be a reputable tournament team (and with four first names, any combination would work, “Nathan Bruce” or “Hardy Tony”), but individually neither makes it.

 

 

 

Super Bowl Goats – Bracketology, Part III

Super Bowl goats, Bracketology, Part III, featuring the “DRUM” (individuals beaten like a drum), “DUM” (individuals who made some of the dumbest decisions in Super Bowl history) and “GAG” (individuals who were tight or out-right choked).

DRUM Conference Standings

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Bud Grant	MIN	IV	Conference Champ
2	Max Lane	NEP	XXXI	Bubble
3	Karl Mecklemberg	DEN	XXII	Need Help
4	Len Hauss	WASH	VII	Need Help
5	Gilbert Brown	GB	XXXII	Need Help
6	Dennis Smith	DEN	XXIV	Need Help
7	Aaron Francisco	ARIZ	XLIII	Need Help
8	Don McNeal	MIA	XVII	Need Help
9	Don Shula	MIA	VI	Need Help

 

Bud Grant – Not only did Grant get it handed to him by Hank Stram, Stram poured salt in the wound by agreeing to be “mik’d-up” for the game. My guess is Bud Grant had more than a few nightmares about Stram waddling around the sideline screaming “they don’t know what hit’em, they can’t figure it out, thata boy, keep trapping ‘em”. Grant, to this day, still hasn’t adjusted to what the Chiefs did. And I think Bud Grant was Romeo Crennel’s idol growing up. This is from Romeo’s eighth grade diary, “Someday, I want to coach in the NFL and be like my hero Bud Grant. Coach Grant has such a peaceful look on his face even when he is losing and getting treated like a “female dog” by an opposing coach”.

Hey everyone, look at that – Max Lane on his two feet! You didn’t see that much in Super Bowl XXXI!

Max Lane – Before the UFC burst onto the scene with body piercing, tattooing and brutality, there was Max Lane tapping out against Reggie White in SB XXXVI. I have never seen a man of Lane’s size get so thoroughly dominated by another man, unless you count the photographer Reggie ran over while carrying the Lombardi all over the Superdome.

Karl Mecklemberg – You cannot give up almost 300 yards rushing, with most of it over the right side of the offensive line and not ask where was the left inside linebacker? Oh, he was there, he was just getting beat like a DRUM.

Len Hauss – “He beat their center Len Hauss like a drum” – Nick Buoniconti. Nick was speaking of Manny Fernandez, who had his way with Hauss. Putting it in Caveman terms – Fernandez clubbed Hauss, dragged him back to his cave and, uh, well did bad things, man, bad things.

Gilbert Brown – BTFH – Big Tree Fall Hard! It’s a fallacy that Gilbert got beaten like a drum, but by the end of the game Gilbert was so gassed that those little ankle-biting Denver offensive lineman were pushing him around like he was on roller stakes and Terrell Davis was running wild.

Dennis Smith – Hold on, Jerry Rice just beat Dennis Smith for another touchdown!

Aaron Francisco – Yea, I will admit this is personal, but come on when has a finesse NFL receiver ever turned towards the middle of the field? It doesn’t happen. How do you not know that? Let me back up; the play in question was the “big play” to Santonio Holmes where Francisco took absolutely the wrong angle and then slipped trying to make to quick of a move to get to the outside. Check that, Francisco took a horrible angle, as there is no way Holmes was cutting to the middle. And if he did, he would have hit the grass the instant a red jersey was within 10 yards of him. Then on the touchdown to Holmes he was one of the three “A-clowns” off-balance (Are you telling that an NFL defensive back cannot jump more than six inches off the ground? Of course, most DBs can leap well over 36 inches, btu that is when they are posting combine numbers and they are in perfect position and balance; balance is a very under-rated trait for a football player) as the pass sailed over their out-stretched hands.

Don McNeal – Tackling John Riggins should be one of the blueprints on “Minute to Win It”. “You have 60 seconds to tackle John Riggins, failure to complete this task may result in elimination, permanent elimination!” The fact is McNeal gave up at least 40 pounds to Riggins, so asking him to make the tackle is asking a lot, but whoa, did he get pwned.

Don Shula – Coach
Shula didn’t have his team ready to play and seemingly made no adjustments to what the Cowboys did to them. His own players felt like they were “happy to be in the game” and “beaten psychologically, as well as physically”. Uh, where was the coach to pick up on these things and adjust the attitudes. Maybe Shula was still trying to recover from being the first coach to lose a Super Bowl to an AFL team. Yea, I bet he didn’t hear much about that at the league meetings.

DUM Conference Standings

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Chuck Noll	PITT	X	Automatic Bid as Conference Champ
2	Garo Yepremian	MIA	VII	Good Shape
3	Jeff Fisher	TEN	XXXIV	Good Shape
4	Mike Holmgren	GB	XXXII	Good Shape
5	Thurman Thomas	Buff	XXVI	Bubble
6	Leon Lett	DALL	XXVII	Need Help
7	Mike Ditka	CHI	XX	Need Help

 

Chuck Noll – I know you’re asking yourself “how can a Super Bowl winning coach even be considered for a spot in the Super Bowl Goat tournament?” Excellent question! Here is the answer – when the act was so egregious that despite the outcome it still qualifies as “goat status”. Noll, egregious act – on fourth down from the Dallas 41 with over a minute to play in the game, he went for a first down instead of punting. The attempt failed and the Steelers had to hold on to preserve victory.

Apparently back in 1972, the NFL used footballs that were twice as big as they are in 2010!

Garo Yepremian – Another member of a winning team, Garo’s play is the centerpiece of any “Football Follies” show. There are several problems with this play – first off, Garo kicked the so low it would have hit a smurf or Garo himself in the balls. Secondly, the ball looked like an extra large watermelon in his tiny hand, how Garo thought he would be able threw it with any effectiveness is a great mystery of the world. Thirdly, Garo still had a chance to make the tackle, against a defensive back, no less and failed miserably at that task as well. Lastly, Garo would have lived about one millisecond after the final gun if the Dolphins had lost that game. However, one has to ask Shula (my goodness this guy is at the center of a lot of bad decisions and poor performances), why even attempt a 51-yard field goal in that situation? That is the only blemish on Garo’s near perfect resume.

Jeff Fisher – Coach Fisher went for two in the third quarter (Titans were down 16-0), which is a “Cardinal Sin” for NFL coaches. But let’s go forth with some analysis on this. It didn’t make sense on a number of levels, but using simple odds, that a two point conversion is a roughly 50/50 prop means the Titans would have to defy odds by converting 100% in order to tie the game. And why play for a tie in the third quarter, when the sequence of an extra point, touchdown, extra point and field goal wins the game. The Titans had another six possessions after that initial touchdown, which is plenty of time to score twice. This was a bad, bad decision by an otherwise great NFL coach.

Mike Holmgren – “My defense can’t stop the Texas State Armadillos, the Broncos got a first down inside the five allowing them to bleed the clock, which will leave us no time, plus I have Brett Favre, why shouldn’t I let the Broncos score?” I am glad you asked Mike! If that statement were 100% true, then Holmgren’s strategy was solid, but that statement was about as close to the truth as George O’Leary’s resume (you know the guy who had a Master’s degree from NYU-Stoney Brook, which for us from the West, would be the equivalent of having a degree from USC-Oregon). First off, the Broncos had a second down from the 1 yard line with about 1:45 left in the fourth when Mike Shanahan called timeout (terrible timeout in its own right). Holmgren thought it was first down. Nice attention to detail, coach. But even if it was first down, the Packers still had two timeouts. So, if they forced a field goal, they would have got the ball back with roughly 50 seconds and needing only three points. Again, it was bad decision by a pretty good coach.

Thurman Thomas – “Patti, have you seen my helmet?” “I left it right where I always do.” “Damn it, the game is about to start, WHERE IS my HELMET.” “Oh, %^$^, Marv is going to kill me!” “Ok, it’s got to be here, let me re-trace my steps, let’s see, wait did I leave it in the stall?” “Please, please, please let the Redskins win the toss. ^$%&!, where the hell is my helmet!” “Fumble the kickoff, fumble the kickoff, damn it, today is not my day!” It’s not all bad Thurman, just the other day a carpenter showed up to my house to do some work and he forgot his tools.

Leon Lett – No doubt Leon was a goat, but can you imagine the lift his bone-headed play gave Bills fans! Don Beebe is a hero to all, but without Leon, Beebe is all but forgotten.

Mike Ditka – Long before his locker room, tear filled rampages about “becoming a team today”, Dikta denied an all-time great a touchdown in favor of his Frankenstein, “the Fridge”.

GAG Conference Standings

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Don Shula	Balt	III	Conference Champ
2	Brett Favre	GB	XXXII	Lock
3	Rich Karlis	DEN	XXI	Lock
4	Donovan McNabb	Phil	XXXIX	Good Shape
5	Mike Tomlin	PITT	XLIII	Bubble
6	Dick Vermeil	PHIL	XV	Need Help

 

Don Shula – There is no way you can be the head coach of the team favored by 17 points and not be a dominant force. But when you throw in that Shula started Earl Morrall (winner of the BIG-25) and basically lost the respect of an entire league, you have ask – “Is Shula the one to beat?” What’s more interesting is how, with the inauspicious start to his coaching career, Shula became the all-time leader wins? In the 21^st century, Shula would have been lucky to win 100 games!

Brett Favre – Long before the days of Favre ending his team’s season with an excruciating interception, Brett was on the verge of joining a rare group of individuals – quarterbacks with multiple Super Bowl rings. That select group of quarterbacks thrived in the final seconds, with the game on the line. To join then, Brett merely needed to the same – led his team down the field for a tying touchdown and then will his team to victory in overtime. Consider it done, right! Wrong, instead the Cheesehead nation was left feeling empty with the single ring (thanks to Desmond Howard).

Rich Karlis – Karlis missed two first half chip-shot field goals that would have sent the Broncos to the locker room with a lead. I am not even sure chip-shot is appropriate, since most drunk fans at an Arena football game halftime show would bang home a 23-yard field goal (yes, even on the narrow goal posts). I am guessing that it was all holder Gary Kubiak’s fault and “Kubiak should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.” Laces OUT!

:59, :58, :57, huff, huff, “Wow, the clock is moving fast!”, :52, :51, :50!

Donovan McNabb – Anytime you treat the last two minutes of the fourth quarter like you recovering from a hangover and aimlessly allow precious time to tick off the clock while you catch your breath, you’re a lock to make the field.

Mike Tomlin – Last year ESPN.COM ran a poll titled, “Is Mike Tomlin the NFL’s second best coach?” First off, I guess it is a no-brainer that Wade Phillips is the best coach, but Tomlin as the second best? He might not even be the second best coach is his division (Harbaugh is certainly a better coach). Look, Tomlin is a good leader, his players like him and respect him, but come on this guy is not a great head football coach. In his rookie season Tomlin lost a home playoff game. In the Super Bowl season, the Steelers had to go through the soft Chargers, an on fumes Ravens team and the soft Cardinals team. I know, I know, they still had to win those games and they did which Tomlin obviously deserves a lot of credit. Ok, on to the reason Tomlin is listed with goats despite being a winner – he decided to kick a field goal on fourth down and 1 inch at the Cardinals goal-line in the first quarter of Super Bowl XLIII. Take the points, right? Wrong, the guy was tight and didn’t think it through. What is the worst case scenario if you go for it there? The Cardinals make the stop and then throw a 99-yard touchdown pass. And what are the odds of that happening. None (Slim just walked out my front door). First off, you have Big Ben, who is a master at the quarterback sneak (and cornering co-eds). Chances are better than 75% Roethlisberger scores. But let’s say he doesn’t, you back up a team that cannot run the ball against a blitz happy defense. And, if not for a one in a million play by James Harrison, the Steelers lose that Super Bowl and Tomlin would be considering a force in this tournament.

Dick Vermeil – What is the saying “He’s so tight you could shove a lump of coal up his butt in two weeks you would pull out a diamond”? That aptly describes Vermeil’s first visit to the Super Bowl – from his moronic curfew to his “getting in the business”, Vermeil didn’t enjoy his trip and neither did his players. The Raiders on the other hand lived it up. They even commented after the game on how they knew they were going to win just based on how uptight the Eagles were. But it is good to see that Vermeil learned his lesson, 19 years later he supported the players endeavoring to hang out in strip clubs, pick up hookers and get hammered like Fred Williamson in Super Bowl I.

Super Bowl Goats – Bracketology Part II

Back with Part II of Super Bowl Goats Bracketology. Today we look at the BIG-MISC, BIG-OT and Butterfinger conferences.

BIG-MISC

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Bill Leavy	REF	XL	Conference Champ
2	Frank Corrall	LARams	XIV	Lock
3	Bubba Smith	Balt	III	Good Shape
4	XLI MVP Voters		XLI	Bubble
5	XXXVI MVP Voters		XXXVI	Bubble
6	Bill Belichick	NEP	XXXVI	Need Help
7	Gale Gilbert	SD	XXIX	Need Help
8	Janet Jackson		XXXVIII	Need Help

 

Bill Leavy – No single person not associated with either participating team had a larger impact on the outcome of a Super Bowl than Mr. Leavy. So much so that he recently apologized to the Seahawks and presented each of them with a replica of his Super Bowl XL championship ring.

Frank Corrall – Somewhere in Miami there is a man that is known simply as “Money”. His self-proclaimed title is fascinating to anyone who knows him since he is homeless. How did “Money” get that bad off? He was a hugely successful handicapper back in the late 1970′s, so much so that he made great living that enabled him to afford to live a lavish lifestyle that included a Vegas penthouse. He tried of the stress related to gambling football and planned to retire to South Beach. But first he had one final “retirement” score, the Rams +11.5 over the Steelers. The Rams lost by 12 because Frank Corrall pulled a Ray Finkle and shanked an extra point! “Money” was financially destroyed, never recovering and ultimately making it to South Beach but far from the plan. For Corral, anytime you single-handedly blow a point spread cover, it’s getting a previously injured, future “lottery pick” back right before the NCAA tournament. Not only is Corrall a dangerous sleeper, but no one wants any part of him in the first round.

Bubba Smith – Everyone has a friend or acquaintance who had told the same story over and over and over again to the point that now that acquaintance is water cooler conversation, like “Did you hear about Bob’s mortgage problems and that his lender will not work with him?”, response, “Only about 100 times now”. “We should bet on how long it would take a complete stranger to hear about it, if he walked up and merely asked Bob how it was going.” Enter Bubba Smith, who some 40 years later is still claiming that Super Bowl III was fixed! Can someone please make him an honorary Jets teammate and give him a ring already? Bubba’s alleged proof – some cab driver told him “Thanks for Christmas” after the game. Hey Bubba allow me to translate – “Hey, thanks for choking on a 12-inch kielbasa which allowed me to collect +1000 on my money line bet!”

Bubba will dress up like a girl if the NFL will just admit they fixed SB III!

XLI MVP Voters – Let’s look at the facts – 1. Peyton Manning had the lowest quarterback rating among quarterbacks who won an MVP (81.8); 2. Manning failed to put the game away when the Colts had numerous opportunities in the second half, leaving the door open for a Bears comeback; 3. There were two more deserving candidates – Dominic Rhodes and Kelvin Hayden; 4. Manning’s threw one touchdown, the lowest by a MVP winning quarterback; 5. Peyton was winning the MVP award if the Colts won regardless of any of the above facts. Worst MVP voting since 2001 when Tom Brady won the award . . .

XXXVI MVP Voters – How does that MVP not go to Ty Law? Without that pick-6, the Patriots would not have won the game. Brady threw for 145 yards, posted a mediocre 86.8 rating that included only one touchdown. Even on the touchdown, Patten had to make an incredible catch. My guess is everyone was so shocked by the outcome that they didn’t have time to think, so they gave it to the quarterback.

Bill Belichick – Really, William? Video-taping the Rams walk through the day before the Super Bowl? Here’s the thing, I am not sure how much the video-taping really helped. I mean how hard was it to force Martz’s hand? Not hard at all, simply let the following leak through the media, “The Rams are so explosive that you cannot stop them, therefore we have to pick our poison and we are going to take away the passing game.” That comment would have been enough to have Martz arrogantly smirking as he erases every running play from the game plan. Couple that with the rules in 2001 that allowed defensive backs to man-handle receivers, the Pats beat up the soft Rams receivers at the line and down the field, thus throwing off the timing of a passing game built on timing.

Gale Gilbert – Who? This game is only in NFL History to be on the losing Super Bowl team five straight years (Buffalo and San Diego). Career Super Bowl completions? Three! But it is so obvious to me that Gale was clearly the cancer of these teams. Come on, Buffalo, let’s get him!

Janet Jackson – Thanks to Miz Jackson, the fans attending any Super Bowl after XXXVIII can drive home and re-watch the entire fourth quarter on their TV’s.

 

BIG-OT

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Thurman Thomas	Buff	XXVIII	Conference Champ
2	Lewis Billups	CIN	XXIII	Lock
3	John Kasay	CAR	XXXVIII	Lock
4	Scott Norwood	Buff	XXV	Good Shape
5	Peyton Manning	IND	XLIV	Bubble
6	Dre Bly	STL	XXXVI	Bubble
7	Ken Anderson	CIN	XVI	Bubble
8	Kurt Warner	ARIZ	XLIII	Need Help

 

Thurman Thomas – The Bills took a half time lead and finally looked primed to win their first Super Bowl. But before Bill fan could wipe the wing sauce and bleu cheese dip off their mouths, Thurman fumbled and the Cowboys returned it for a touchdown that tied the game. I love to be able to attend one of those Buffalo Super Bowl parties via a ride in Doc Brown’s Delorean.

Thurman, budddy, we have like 7 in 64 chance of winning this thing!

My guess is at halftime most Bills fans actually had talked themselves into the Bills winning that game. Picture Bills fan, with the Pete Metzelaars #88 jersey that is spotted orange from wing drippings, attempting to rally other fans with “The defense is totally stopping them. We get the ball to start the second half, if we can even get a field goal this game is in the bag!”

Lewis Billups – Lewis dropped an easy interception that would have killed the 49ers drive and preserved the Bengals 13-6 lead. Look, it’s pretty simple professional football players get paid to make plays, period! In college, a coach will applaud that a player was in the right position, despite butchering the play. In high school, a player will get treated to orange slices and soda if he merely remembers the play. But in the pros, when you have a chance to make a play, you better make it and if not you find yourself as a solid final four contender in the Super Bowl Goat tournament.

John Kasay – “John Kasay, your Panther offensive teammates just steam-rolled down the field for the tying touchdown, what are you going to do next?” “I’m going to eff-up Jake Delhomme’s chance to go to Disneyland!” Kasay kicked the ensuing kickoff out of bounds giving the Patriots the ball at the 40. I can imagine what was going through his mind right before the kickoff – “Ok, John, anywhere but out of bounds. Don’t kick it out of bounds, just nice and easy down the middle. Ok, approach and swing through like you have a million times . . . &*^%, &*%^, I cannot believe I just did that.

Scott Norwood – Or should it be Scott Norwide! Hey, what type of wood always pulls right? A Norwood! Ba-da boom! I am here all week, try the veal! Norwood is another massively over-rated Super Bowl goat. This was a 47-yard field goal in 1990, long before kickers were machines the routinely banged out 50-plus yard field goal pinpoint accuracy. In 1990, NFL kickers made 62% of field goals from 40-49 yards and just 36% of field goals attempted from 50+ were successful. Essentially a 47 yard field goal that year was about a 50/50 shot. Not exactly an epic choke job, but think of Norwood much like the way Duke (oh crap, they won it this year, right? Think pre-2010) is always an over-hyped, media darling that gets too high of a seed and is bounced un-ceremoniously in the tournament.

Peyton Manning – Threw, as Steve Mariucci put it, the back-breaking interception that was returned for a Saints touchdown. And despite that, Manning still finished second in the MVP voting!

Dre Bly – Dre Bly represented everything that was wrong with the Mike Martz “Greatest Show on Turf” Rams. At the end of the day, every player on that team (save a few) wanted to make the highlight reel, instead of merely making the routine, solid play. With Pats out of field goal range, Bly went for the interception instead of keeping Troy Brown in front of him. The result – the play moved the Pats into Adam Vinatieri range and the Rams lost a Super Bowl where they were two touchdown favorites.

Ken Anderson – In the battle of Super Bowl newbies, the Bengals had a golden opportunity to score first when on third and goal from the 49er 11, Anderson threw an interception that began a series of cataclysmic events that led to a horrendous first half for the Bengals. It was early in the game and something tells me that Joe Montana was not going to be denied, regardless of whether Anderson found the end zone or not. And Anderson never looked like an NFL quarterback to me, he looked more like a divorce lawyer playing quarterback, so I highly doubt the game turns out any different if we erase the interception.

Kurt Warner – Just when the Cardinals looked primed to take a 14-10 lead into the locker room at halftime, Warner threw the monumental “pick-6″ right before half. Couple that with his feeble attempt to tackle Harrison, all he had to do was either push him out of bounds or even slow him down bit a millisecond. Instead Kurt got thrown around like Abe Lincoln, when Mary Todd had been drinking again. With such a catastrophic interception how did Warner finish dead last in this division and, in all likelihood, needs help on selection Sunday to make the dance? It’s simple, he put the Cardinals in position to win the game at the end and if the defense does their job . . .

ButterFinger

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Asante Samuel	NEP	XLII	Conference Champ
2	Dan Reeves	DAL	V	Lock
3	Jackie Smith	Dal	XIII	Lock
4	Charlie West	MIN	IV	Lock
5	Bill Brown	MIN	IX	Lock
6	Kim Bokamper	MIA	XVII	Good Shape
7	Jerramy Stevens	SEA	XL	Good Shape
8	Ricky Proehl	STL	XXXVI	Bubble
9	LJ Smith	PHIL	XXXIX	Bubble
10	Larry Csonka	MIA	VI	Need Help
11	Reggie Wayne	IND	XLIV	Need Help

 

Asante Samuel – Remember the scene between Peyton and Eli in the Giants locker room after Super Bowl XLII. Touching, right? Now flip over to the Patriots locker, can you imagine what was going on in there? First off, it’s closed to the media, so we will never truly know but my guess is one of the following, either everyone single member of the Patriots organization started hurling anything they could grab (deodorant, shampoo, brushes, shoes, cologne, un-corked champagne bottles, etc.) at Samuel and then snickering if he happen to catch one of them; or Asante was playing the part of Ed Norton in the jail shower. Yea, it was that bad of a drop, it cost the Patriots “19-0″. On the bright side, children in a third world country were treated to advanced copies of “19-0, the story on the unbeatable 2007 New England Patriots”.

Dan Reeves – Late in the game, Reeves let a pass go through his fingertips and into the arms of a Colts defensive back, who then returned the ball into field goal range. It is really that surprising that Dan Reeves is on this list? Dan Reeves knows a little something about losing Super Bowls; he lost Super Bowls before you were an itch in your daddy’s pants. He lost five Super Bowls as a player and coach. In his only win, he carried the rock one time for seven yards and finished just behind the “Cowboy” mascot in MVP voting.

Jackie Smith – With a little help from Clyde Orange, I think I got this “Jackie, hey what you doing now

It seems like yesterday when you dropped that pass

Jackie, you should set yourself on fire

You came and shat on us

You cost us the ring we aspire . . .”

TANGENT ALERT – Quick how many of you knew that Clyde Orange was a singer for the Commodores? Or that Nightshift, was the only hit the Commodores after Lionel Richie left. Richie is sort of like an Anti-Lebron, as he left to pursue a solo career, which ultimately allowed him to achieved exponential success over what he had with the Commodores. Lebron essentially left a solo career to join a band! And the Cavs are left like the Commodores, with their only hit being the off-season bashing of Lebron. Trust me, Cleveland it’s not going to get any better than heckling Lebron at an amusement park.

Ok, back to the goat.

Roughly 90% of football fans in America would respond with Jackie Smith when asked who they thought the biggest goat is in Super Bowl history was. And I will agree that it was a horrible drop, he is vastly over-rated for a couple reasons – 1. the Cowboys fell behind 35-17 after the drop; and 2. the drop occurred in the second quarter, giving the Cowboys plenty of time to re-group.

Charlie West – Charlie fumbled a kickoff return that sent the Vikings south and Bud Grant into “deer in the headlights” mode. The Chiefs converted the turnover into 7 points and increased their lead to 16-0. Winning quarterback Len Dawson commented on the play, “That was a key, key play”. Really, Len? Are you sure it wasn’t a “key, key, key play”?

Bill Brown – In a scene eerily similar to that in Super Bowl IV, Brown fumbled the opening kickoff of the second half. Yep, the man with the glazed eyes on the sidelines is Bud Grant. That led to the Steelers first touchdown and a 9-0 lead. The Vikings never recovered, I mean never, they still haven’t won a Super Bowl.

Kim Bokamper – Who is Kim Bokamper? Little Bokamper was a defensive lineman for the Dolphins in the early 80s who had a chance for gridiron glory (and possible MVP, although it would have been hard to beat out a 5-year old Peyton Manning). Bokamper was the about to be benefactor of a deflected pass falling into the palm of his hands and needed a short jaunt to score, as Steve Mariucci would put it, a back-breaking touchdown. But glory evaded Bokamper this night, as he forgot one of the basics of football, catch the damn ball at the highest point! Instead, the aptly named Kim, positioned hands as though he were in egg toss competition which allowed the sagacious Joe Theeesman to deflect the ball and it escaped Bokamper, falling harmlessly to the ground. Are you kidding me, Kim? Can you imagine a Reggie White, Greg Lloyd or Charles Haley allowing a quarterback to steal their glory? Exactly! Haley would have swatted Thiesmann aside with a vicious blow to the head, crossed the goalline and went back over the motionless Washington quarterback and, uh, pleasured himself.

Jerramy Stevens – Quite possible all the talk in the great Northwest about the terrible officiating would have been moot had Stevens managed to hang on to one of the numerous balls he dropped in Super Bowl XL.

Man, these Super Bowl balls are slick!

While there is no such thing as a good drop, in Stevens case each was devastating to the Seahawks. I would love to get Stevens and Braylon Edwards together as teammates on “Minute to Win It” and the $1000 (the lowest) challenge would be you have one minute to catch a single pass from juggs machine.

Ricky Proehl – Ricky don’t lose that ball, it’s the only one you’ve got. . . My personal opinion is Ricky’s fumble in the second quarter, that setup the Patriots second touchdown, was the second biggest play of the game (just behind the Warner Pick-6 to Law), but he did scoring the tying touchdown.

LJ Smith – LJ also scored a touchdown after committing a key turnover early in the game. LJ is actually very forgettable and my guess is he stands no chance of making the field.

Larry Csonka – Csonka had a costly fumble in Super Bowl VI, but it was Zonk’s first fumble of the season. I am surprised the Texans haven’t hired Zonk to teach their fumbling set of running backs how to hold on the ball.

Reggie Wayne – Sure, Reggie dropped a touchdown that would have brought the Colts within a touchdown. However, in fairness to Wayne, he was clearly hurt and even if he catches the pass the Colts would still needing to convert an onside kick to have a chance. So, unless Hank Baskett changed uniforms and got on the Saints “hands” team, the Colts were done either way, as is Wayne’s chances of making the big dance.

 

Super Bowl Goats – Bracketology Part I

When I was young, and seemingly invincible, I wanted desperately to be a sports reporter assigned to cover my choice of game. Each week I would choose a game where either I had a “vested” interest or the simply the Rams game. One game I wish I could have covered was 1990 regular season game between the Detroit Lions and the Minnesota Vikings. This was a “vested” interest game, where the Vikings were favored by seven points. Needless to mention, the Vikings played like crap eventually losing to the Lions by seven. I remember two plays that were particularly damaging, both involving super human Herschel Walker. The first was a critical fumble and the second was a dropped swing pass on fourth down (swing passes are by far the easiest pass to catch) that swung a wave of irrevocable momentum toward the Lions.

Now had I been covering the game, I would have ran immediately to Herschel Walker’s locker and stoically asked him, “Herschel, tell me about that fum[BAM]” (the BAM is the microphone hitting the ground). I quickly reach down to pick up the mic and begin to speak again, “Sorry, I have fumble fingers today. Anyway, what about that key fourth down pass you dro[BAM]” (again the mic hits the ground). Now you understand the “seemingly invincible” comment, since a reporter who pulled this stunt, might be able to do it twice before ending up in coma form a severe beating.

Anyway, that day Herschel was the biggest goat in the history of sports, at least to me and my “vested” interest partner. I have always been fascinated by “the goat”, as it relates to a player who does something that costs his team a game or AKA choke-artists, coming up small, crapping the bed, crapping your pants, spitting the bit, I think you get the picture. The bigger the stage the bigger the goat and there is no bigger stage than the Super Bowl. For every Joe Montana, there is a Thurman Thomas, a player who robbed his team and fan base of Super Bowl glory.

Over the 44 Super Bowls there have been dozens of goats. And what better way to (dis) honor these select individuals than with a “top” list, March Madness style. Complete with bracketology, “Selection Sunday”, first/second round and sweet sixteen columns. Once we get to the Elite Eight, I will let my loyal readers (all five of you!) decide who advances to ultimately become “The Biggest Goat in Super Bowl history”.

After compiling my full list of Super Goats, I figured it wouldn’t be March Madness if I didn’t have conferences, so I divided each of the goats into conferences as follows:

A-7 - stands for the arrogant seven, contains trash talkers, either prior or during the game that negatively impacted their team. Also, contains the people who display and “Albert Gans”-type arrogance. The A-7 is a major conference that generally sends at least five individuals to the “dance”.

BIG-25 – Reserved for quarterbacks who gave less than 25 percent to their teams on the biggest and brightest stage. Comprised of 21 individuals, this power conference is well represented with over 80% members heading to the “dance” each year.

BIG OT – The BIG ONE-TIMER (“hockey term”) conference contains individuals who had one, single devastating play. This mid-major conference is a player every year with high quality individuals at the top and middle of the nine member conference.

MISC – Nope, it’s not the Michigan Super Conference, this is for individuals who performed outlandish acts that upstaged the Super Bowl. It may have been a coach video-taping an opponent practice, allegedly, a “half-rack” shot or a game so poorly officiated that people cannot remember the game itself. There all here in this mid-major that gets no respect and will be lucky to send a majority of their seven individuals.

Butterfinger – What the Big East is to College Basketball the “Butterfinger” is to Super Bowl goats. The fumblers and pass-droppers make up this major conference. All 10 individuals in this conference have a chance top “dance”.

DRUM – Individuals beaten like a drum are part of the DRUM conference. This small conference is lucky to have an automatic bid and most likely will not send a second individual.

DUM – Years ago, eight members of the DRUM conference decided they were too good and formed the DUM conference. The DUM has achieved more success than the DRUM and likely will send at least half of their members to the “show”.

GAG – Formerly known as the CHOK conference, has members who specialized in coming up small at the worst time. This major conference never sends less than half of the members.

LIMO – The LIttle MOmentum conference, which is closely related to the BIG OT with the exception that these individuals snuffed out positive momentum that their team never could recover from.

PEN-10 – The conferece with more legal problems than Lindsay Lohan. The PEN-10 contains individuals who either committed crimes prior to the game or committed a killah penalty.

SOFT – Newly formed conference with only five members. The individuals displayed a softness that would make Pau Gasol look like Bill Russell.

Without further ado here is the bracketology update for each conference:

A-7

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Mike Martz	Stl	XXXVI	Conf Champ – IN
2	Bill Callahan	Oak	XXXVII	Lock
3	Cliff Harris	DAL	X	Good Shape
4	Fred Williamson	KC	I	Good Shape
5	Bill Belichick	NEP	XLII	Good Shape
6	Freddie Mitchell	PHIL	XXXIX	Bubble
7	Thomas Henderson	DAL	XIII	Need Help

A-7 Goatolgy

Mike Martz – Look all NFL head coaches are arrogant, but Martz is the MOAAC (Mother Of All . . .). There are rumors that the Patriots video-taped a Rams walk through. I believe that to be true. You know why? Because Martz probably invited the Pats to the practice, he

Super Bowl glory is mine! Wait, what?

figured it didn’t matter if the Patriots knew the game-plan, he was smarter and would find a way to fool Belichick. The reality? Belichick basically told Martz, “You will not throw the ball and win this game”. Martz still tried throw, throw and throw some more.

Bill Callahan – Why aren’t more college professors like old Cally? I mean why spend needless time changing around final exams from year to year. “Hmm, I wonder why all these moron frat boys aced my final?” And, yeah, I am not bitter about Cally’s little stint in Husker land. The resume is complete and Cally is a lock to be in the field of 64.

Cliff Harris – The top “trash talker” in this conference is a good bet to make the field. Harris taunted Steelers kicker Roy Gerela after a missed field goal. As Jack Lambert put it, “Yea, he is an idiot kicker, but he was our idiot kicker!” That spurred the Steelers to start playing with some passion and it turned out to be a key play in the game. That seems a bit weak to me, but the reality the Steelers did respond to the taunt to take the lead shortly after.

Fred Williamson – The “Hammer” promised to knock out the Packers receivers in Super Bowl II, instead Freddy was the one laying face down on the field. He will make just for the pure comedic value of the “Hammer” being “Hammered”.

Bill Belichick – The patron saint of Massachusetts, refused to stay for the end of the Super Bowl, instead he stormed off to pout in the locker room. Come on Bill, it’s not so bad you only lost one game that year. . .

Freddie Mitchell – Self nicknamed himself “Fed-Ex” because he always delivers. Yep, he always delivers the water when real players are thirsty. Rodney Harrison took note of him, however, which is why he is firmly on the bubble.

Thomas Henderson – Taunted Terry Bradshaw after a play and drew a huge penalty. Is that really a big deal? I mean Howie Long, Jimmy Johnson and the guest analysis taunt Bradshaw every Sunday on FOX. “Hollywood” needs major help.

BIG-25

Finish	Individual	Team	SB	Bracketology Status
1	Earl Morrall	Balt	III	Conference Champ
2	Craig Morton	Den	XII	Lock
3	Neil O’Donnell	Pitt	XXX	Lock
4	Kerry Collins	NYG	XXXV	Lock
5	Rich Gannon	Oak	XXXVII	Lock
6	Jim Kelly	BUFF	XXVIII	Lock
7	Craig Morton	DAL	V	Lock
8	Jim Kelly	Buff	XXVI	Lock
9	Fran Tarkenton	MIN	IX	Lock
10	John Elway	DEN	XXII	Lock
11	Drew Bledsoe	NEP	XXXI	Good Shape
12	Rex Grossman	CHI	XLI	Good Shape
13	Ben Roethlisberger	Pitt	XL	Good Shape
14	Joe Capp	MIN	IV	Good Shape
15	Bill Kilmer	WASH	VII	Good Shape
16	David Woodley	MIA	XVII	Good Shape
17	Tony Eason	NEP	XX	Good Shape
18	John Elway	DEN	XXIV	Good Shape
19	Ron Jaworski	PHIL	XV	Bubble
20	Joe Theismann	Wash	XVIII	Bubble
21	Jim Kelly	BUFF	XXVII	Bubble

 

Earl Morrall – Posted a stellar 9.3 rating, but dominated this conference on the basis of a single play – when he missed a wide open wide receiver on a trick play that would have tied the game at 7-7. It’s one thing to miss a wide open receiver down field when when it’s the third option on a play. But this was a trick play! How many flea-flickers are setup to throw a pass tot eh running back in the flat or a receiver dragging across the middle or to a TE on a curl pattern? NONE! That’s how many. Every flea-flicker, since the beginning of time has been designed to hit the receiver on a deep pass! And to make matters worse, Morrall had successfully executed the exact same play for a touchdown earlier in the year. Maybe Bubba Smith (more on him in Part II) has a point.

strong>Craig Morton – The only quarterback in Super Bowl history to attempt at least 10 passes and throw as many interceptions as he had completions. I would say that qualifies as crapping the bed (I really need to get a CHOKE scale, so we can clearly define the level of a choke. Is “crapping the bed” worse than “crapping your pants?” Discuss!)

Neil O’Donnell - I think Larry Brown just sent O’Donnell the last of the royalty checks from that huge contract Brown signed with the Raiders shortly after Super Bowl 30.

Neil, the check is the mail – Larry.

Of course, it wasn’t all Neil’s fault. As Neil would put it, “I would never sell out a great teammate like Charles Johnson and tell you that he ran the wrong route. I mean you know I would never just throw the ball to a defensive back, but I am not going to sell out my teammate Charles Johnson. Charles is a good guy and he doesn’t deserve the heat that would come down on him if the world found out that he ran the wrong route. So he did. . ., ah, n’t, didn’t run the wrong route.”

Kerry Collins – A proud member of the exclusive “4-PICK” club and posted a putrid 7.1 passer rating. 7.1! How bad is that? Not registering a completion in a game gets you a 39.6 rating.

Rich Gannon – I will see your 4 picks and raise you a pick-6 (or three), yep, Gannon holds the Super Bowl record with 5 picks, wait you mean no quarterback in the history of the Super Bowl has thrown 6 picks? To be fair to Gannon, he lost his center the night before the big game, his head coach threw him under the bus by not changing the audibles and Jon Gruden knew him far too well. On somewhat bright side, Gannon threw 5 touchdowns in the game, sort of.

Jim Kelly – I’ll admit this is like horse racing with multiple entries, in this case Jim Kelly 1A, Jim Kelly 1B and Jim Kelly 1C. I find myself mad that Kelly didn’t play in more Super Bowls, so we could have an Elite Eight of Jim Kelly’s Super Bowl flops. In Super Bowl XXVIII, Kelly threw a monster interception that killed any chance Buffalo had of coming back. Add in an all-around below average game as a quarterback and his ridiculous comment after the AFC Championship “Deal with it America” when asked about the Bills being back for another beating and you have a solid entry into the field of 64. Jim Kelly and I have the same number of Super Bowl rings. “Deal with that, Jim!”

Craig Morton – How bad is it when you have a rating of 34.1, throw three picks and that is the crown jewel of your Super Bowl appearances?

Jim Kelly – In Super Bowl XXVI, Kelly posted a 44.8 rating and threw four picks in the Bills second consecutive SB loss. He did manage two late touchdowns, which will bode well for his resume, since clearly those TD’s came at garbage time when the Redskins starters were busy scoping the crowd for groupies and planning post-game parties. Essentially had the Giants, Redskins, Cowboys and Cowboys all played their second stringers Kelly might have four Super Bowl rings. He’s got that going for him.

Fran Tarkenton – Fran the man couldn’t run away from his share of poor Super Bowl performances and Super Bowl IX was pathetic – 14.1 rating and three picks. Though a lock for the tourney, a couple “bad losses” down the stretch might cost Fran a higher seed – 1. The weather was a joke; 2. The Steelers defense was not.

John Elway – PTD, as in Pre-Terrell-Davis, Elway tossed up his share of SB clunkers, but none worse than XXII, where he posted a 36.8 rating and threw three picks.

Drew Bledsoe – Another proud member of the “4-PICK” club, but he is the only member whose team actually had a chance to win the game. Patriot fans joke about what would have been if Bledsoe would have just been “poor”, instead of “unbelievably effing horrible”.

Rex Grossman – Rex might have been better served in the BIG OT conference but his 68.3 mediocre rating and overall shaky play warrants his inclusion in this monster conference. Hey, anytime you throw a back-breaking, game-ending pick-6 you have justified your existence in this elite group. As Steve Mariucci would put it “That interception return for a touchdown was a back breaker”.

Ben Roethlisberger – The only wiener in this conference. Clearly he was thinking about all the co-eds that would be within his grasp with a shiny Super Bowl ring on his finger, because he quarterbacked one of the poorest games in Super Bowl history but was fortunate that the “zebras” were on his side.

Joe Kapp – Joe Kapp is a scary guy, so I want to be delicate especially since rumor has it that he is a loyal reader. And I know with the abuse he took on the football field it probably takes him 3 hours to get out of bed each morning, but Kapp looks a lot like actor James Coburn, if Coburn was on steroids and crazy. Anyway Coburn starred in a movie called Looker that I saw when I was a young boy and his character scared the crap out of me, so much so that I haven’t forgotten it someone 29 years later. So, let’s just leave it at – Kapp didn’t play a great game and has a great chance to be in the field of 64.

Bill Kilmer – Kilmer turned to football after a failed career as a professional bowler. He had the unenviable task of going up against the Dolphins “Killer Beez” (edited for the 21^st century) defense. Some players relish the chance to measure themselves against greatest, Kilmer not so much – 104 yards and 3 picks.

David Woodley – 4-14, 50 rating. Four completions, that’s all he completed is four lousy passes?

Tony Eason – Hey Woodley, I see your four completions and raise you a zero completion game! He was pulled early, but come on, Raymond Berry you couldn’t leave him in for a screen pass. That’s cold! And to think Pats fans still think if Steve Grogan would have started, they would’ve won.

John Elway – Elway, crica Super Bowl XXIV, bounced more passes than John Stockton. He did score a rushing touchdown late in the third quarter and wildly spiked ball as though the Broncos were only down three touchdowns as opposed to five.

Ron Jaworski – Jaws is on the bubble, but anytime you can turn a mediocre linebacker into Raider cult hero, you have to be given strong consideration for a bid.

Joe Theismann – It’s not Theeeesmann’s fault that Marcus Allen ran right, ate a Big Kahuna hamburger, headed to the middle, washed the burger down with a refreshing beverage, bounced left, shot the Flock of Seagulls guy and out raced everyone to the endzone. But he didn’t help the Skins cause with 2 picks and 45.3 rating.

Jim Kelly – Could we see three fourths of the final four comprised of Jim Kelly’s Super flops? It’s is certainly possible, but my guess is this version of Kelly likely won’t make it that far if he even gets in the tourney. This was Kelly’s second best Super Bowl effort – 82 yards and 2 picks!

Los Suns, El Maldito!

Congrats to the Phoenix Suns for their heroic run to the 2010 Western Conference finals! Los Suns were over-matched against the Lakers, yet found a way to make the series interesting and competitive. However, the 2009-2010 version of the Suns ended the same way the previous 41 have, and more importantly, the way the next 100 (or n, where n = infinity) will, with the Suns fans watching another teams fans destroy their city with a celebratory riot and the Suns players watching another team douse each other with champagne and fondle the Larry O’Brien trophy.

There are very few absolutes in this world – death and taxes, right? And even less sports related absolutes – baseball has Alex Rodriguez being a perennial contemptible jag-off and football, the Brett Favre season ending horrendous interception (three consecutive seasons, if you count the pick-six he threw against the Dolphins in 2008). And basketball, well, hoops has the MOAA (mother of all absolutes) – the Phoenix Suns will never win a championship! 

That’s right I am on record with a prediction that will take rest civilization to prove to be correct. But my friends this one is a lock – the Phoenix Suns will never, ever, ever win a championship. Why? Very simple, they are under the most wicked sports curse a franchise has ever endured – the “curse of the coin flip.” And yes, I have heard of the “Curse of the Bambino” (RIP 2004), “Curse of the Billy Goat” (not a curse, the Cubs just suck) and “Madden Curse” (yeah right).

The “coin flip” curse originated in 1969 and centered on the NBA draft. Back in those days, the NBA didn’t have the fancy lottery system for determining the draft order. Instead they took the last place teams from each division (they were only two divisions) and flipped a coin to determine who picked first. Despite the fact that the Western Division Suns were an atrocious 16-66 and finished 11 games behind Eastern Divisions last place team (Milwaukee Bucks at 27-55), they would have to win a 50/50 toss of a coin in order to draft the prized jewel of the 1969 draft, Lew Alcindor (better known as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar).

To ratchet up the pressure, 1969 wasn’t a draft containing multiple franchise players. Nope, this was a Tim Duncan-type of draft – one franchase player and a bunch of Darko Milivich-type players, Reese Bobby translation – “if you’re not drafting first, then you may as well be drafting last.”

On flip day, the Suns called “heads” and legend has it that the coin came up “tails”. Allegedly the Suns decided on heads because in a local newspaper poll, the majority of fans selected heads. That right there was a huge, huge mistake. One should never listen to the fans, especially fickle Phoenix fans, since they have zero responsibility and ultimately blame the front office anyway.

Within three years Alcindor became Kareem and led the Bucks (yes, the Bucks) to an NBA championship. The Suns, now forever cursed by the failed coin flip, languished with the booby prize, Neal Walk, who might have been an adequate center in the right system but was certainly a gaping hole for a team that was built around the thought that Jabbar would be wearing orange and purple.

Interestingly enough, although a flip of the coin is likely to come up heads as it is tails, the Suns were extremely confident they would be the winners of the toss. So much so that they invested heavily in players to complement Jabbar. One of those players was Gail Goodrich, an all-star caliber player whom the Suns selected from the Lakers in the 1968 expansion draft. As you will are about to find out, Goodrich is as central to the curse as the flip itself. But before that there was a monumental trade that changed the landscape of the NBA in 1975 and added momentum to the curse

What’s that old saying – “Anytime you can trade a franchise, top five center of all-time for a quartet of role players, you gotta make that move!” That is exactly what the Bucks did when they gave into Jabbar’s trade demand and send him to, gulp, the Lakers. The role players, Elmore Smith, Junior Bridgeman, Dave Meyers and Brian Winters played in 2 all-star games combined. I think we can leave it at the Lakers got the better end of the deal. And of all teams it had to be to the Lakers, not the Knicks or Celtics, but Los Angeles. That’s how these curses work, not only do they block winning, but your arch-nemesis thrives.

However, even though Jabbar now resided in the Pacific division, his presence did not make the Lakers an overnight success. The Lakers struggled is his first year wearing purple and gold, while the Suns made an improbable run to the 1976 NBA finals. With a chance to put the curse to rest after a mere seven years of life, the Suns lost an epic six game series to the Celtics. Is it a mere coincidence that the final game of that series was played on June 6^th, 1976 (6/6/76)? I think not. Later that same summer, while everyone in the states was celebrating the bi-centennial, the curse would grow exponentially, though we wouldn’t know it for three years.

The summer of 1976 the New Orleans Jazz signed a disgruntled Goodrich (remember him) as a free agent. In those days, NBA teams that signed a free agent had to work compensation with team losing the player. Though the Jazz were loaded with talent – Pete Maravich, Truck Robinson and a solid, young 7-foot center in Rich Kelley – had not posted a winning record in their franchise existence. However, this was going to be the move to push them from basketball mediocrity to perennial contender. And for such a team, what value do first round picks have? The picks, the Jazz brain-trust figured, would be late in the first round and the player available would a bench player at best. In addition, they were on the verge of moving to Utah, so a player like Goodrich had extra value to them (you know exactly what that means). Therefore, the Jazz sent their next three first-round picks to the Lakers as compensation for Goodrich! In today terms, that would be exactly like the Clippers sending three unprotected first round picks to the Spurs for Tony Parker.

Turns out for the Jazz that Goodrich wasn’t the answer, Maravich couldn’t stay healthy and Rich Kelley was a stiff. The Jazz failed to post a .500 or better record in each of those three seasons where the Lakers had their first round pick. They watched the Lakers draft #6 in 1977 and used the 1978 #5 overall pick to sign Jamaal Wilkes. The Jazz, on their way out of New Orleans, hit rock bottom in the 1978-79 season ending up with the worst record in the NBA. Their prize? Watching their #1 overall pick go to the Lakers. The top pick that year, no it wasn’t a Kent Benson (1977 #1 overall), Mychal Thompson (1978 #1) or Joe Barry Carroll (1980 #1) type of colossal bust player, it was Ervin Johnson or as he is better known as – Magic. That sequence essentially put a lid on the Pacific Division for the next 14 years or roughly 1/3 of the Suns entire existence. By the end of Magic’s reign, the curse had become like the ED-209 prototype in RoboCop.

In the meantime, the 1978-79 Suns blew a series to the SuperSonics where they had a chance to move onto the NAB finals by merely winning a game six at home. They lost that game by a single point, then lost game seven and proceeded to watch the Sonics win the title over an injury depleted Bullets team. That season was, perhaps, their third best chance (behind their two finals appearances) to win a championship given the fact they had home court in a clinching game and cake-walk in the finals.

Essentially, the “Magic” years are a blur to most Suns fans, missing hopelessness with embarrassment and disappointment after disappointment, even the most ardent Suns fans now expect the worst and are not surprised when it happens.

You want facts to back up the “coin flip” curse? I provide facts:

• The Suns have the fourth highest winning percentage in NBA history – the top three have multiple championships
• The Suns have made 29 playoff appearances without winning a title – most in the NBA
• The Suns have lost seven times in the conference finals
• In NBA history, a team has lost a series where they held a 3-1 series lead eight times, the Suns account for a quarter of those titanic flops .
• The franchise has been through a public drug scandal in the 80s that almost saw them leave town (which undoubtedly would have led to a championship within three years – sure, that’s a low blow, but with this franchise it would have happened). The face of the franchise, Walter Davis, was prominently involved. And to make matters worse the Suns lost Nick Vanos in a plane crash within months of the drug scandal becoming public. Vanos was a 7-1 center with an excellent mid-range jumper and a promising post game.
• In 1987, with another hall-of-fame center available (David Robinson) in the draft, the Suns come up short again, this time in the NBA draft lottery. The Suns end up with the second overall pick and select Armen Gilliam, who? As is the tradition of the NBA lottery each team sends a representative. The Suns representative? Jerry Colangelo. Yes, the same Colangelo who blew the first Jabbar flip in 1969. That is on my list of things I wish I would have bet my life savings on – that the Suns, represented by Colangelo, would get the second pick with a future top 5 all-time center available.
• Injuries/suspensions seem to strike this team at inopportune times. From the Joe Johnson orbital bone fracture to the mysterious “halftime” injury that befell Charles Barkley in 1994 series with the Rockets (Suns are up 15 at home in game three after sweeping the first two games in Houston, poised to sweep, all of sudden Barkley doesn’t look anything like his first half self and the Rockets come back to win by 16) to the game five suspensions of Amare Stoudmire and Boris Diaw in the 2007 playoffs. Clearly this franchise is snake-bit when it counts most.
• You cannot leave the front office out of the talk of this curse. They have over-hauled teams that needed touch-up painting as opposed to remodeling. In 1993, they Suns came within a 12-foot wide open baseline shot (Dan Majerle, in what reminded anyone watching of a 40+ YMCA league, air balled the shot) of forcing a game seven in the finals against Bulls. The Suns would’ve been smart to watch Oliver Miller’s weight and make sure Richard Dumas didn’t relapse into drug use. Instead, both Miller and Dumas were essentially finished after playing integral parts of the finals run.
• The Suns, after blowing a 2-0 lead to the Rockets in 1994, decided that, despite leading the NBA in points per game, they needed more scoring. Therefore, they traded Mark West, a very viable center, for pennies on the dollar, so they could sign Danny Manning. The Suns already didn’t have enough shots to go around, now they added another soft interior defender who needed the ball.
• The Suns experienced a resurgence in 2004 under coach Mike D’Antoni and his radical, re-invention of the Paul Westhead “fastbreak” offense. That season proved that D’Antoni’s system can work, but you have to have the right players. And the 2004-05 Suns certainly had the right players – Nash as the heady point guard, a knock-down perimeter player in Joe Johnson, a slasher/garbage man, al a Cedric Ceballos, in Shawn Marion and an athletic big man in Stoudemire. Outside of Nash, that nucleus was young and destined for greatness in D’Antoni’s system. However, the front office couldn’t manage this team by first allowing Johnson to bully his way out of town and then eventual getting rid of Marion.
• How about the mindless selling/mis-handling of first round draft picks? Beginning with the 2004 draft the Suns have drafted – Luol Deng, Nate Robinson, Rajon Rondo and Rudy Fernandez. That is a decent quartet of players, yet they played 0 games for the Suns. But surely the Suns netted something worthwhile in return, right? That wouldn’t be under a duration of the universe curse if the answer to that was yes. They received Jackson Vroman, Kurt Thomas and Dijon Thompson with only Thomas playing any significant minutes for the Suns. The most egregious error of this bunch – trading Rondo for the Celtics 1^st round pick in 2007, then using that pick on Fernandez and literally selling him to Portland for cash.

One can argue that stupidity is not related to a curse, but I would counter that if the Suns landed Jabbar, nab at least one title they operate in a completely different manner. The front office is mired in a seemingly endless cycle of either tinkering when they need to blow-it-up or blowing-it-up when they should tinker. Does Jabbar change that? I believe so.

In some sort of Freaky Friday themed plot, the Suns actually could have ended up being the 80′s Lakers. Stay with me here. With Jabbar there is little doubt the Suns at least win the title that the Bucks won in 1971. Remember Gail Goodrich was on the Suns at the time, but after losing out on Jabbar and spending one year in the “Neal Walk” era the Suns sent Gail back to Los Angeles for Mel Counts, a 7-foot center. With Jabbar, the Suns never make that deal, but instead keep Goodrich, who signs with the Jazz and brings the Suns, yes that’s right, Magic. That adds at least another five championship banners to the rafters of the “Madhouse on McDowell”. And the marquee east-west rivalry would have been the Celtics-Suns.

Fast forward to the 1989 draft, which at the end of the Magic’s career, the Suns are drafting 26 and have their eye on Arizona Wildcat, Anthony Cook, a center. The Lakers draft Cook at 24, leaving the Suns left to draft a similar player, Serbian Vlade Divac. In the summer of 1996, the Suns flip Vlade to Charlotte for, Kobe Bryant. The rest is history, they sign Shaq, hire Phil Jackson, win three more titles and on and on.

Instead of heading to a parade celebrating the Suns 11^th championship this month, Suns fans are left with plot that is a striking resemblance to Groundhog Day, all due to the ill-fated rotation of a flat, round hunk of silver. I imagine there are plenty of nights where Jerry Colangelo wakes up in a drenched in sweat, screaming “I called tails, tails I said!”

Ten Plays, 35 point turnaround – Super Bowl Recap

So how does a 38-17 victory turn into a stunning 31-17 loss? Well, of course, you can point directly to the Manning stomach-punch, 14 point turnaround, interception where not only was it a terrible decision on his part but for his effort he was a victim of a pancake block trying to make the tackle. To make matters worse for Manning, virtually every newspaper in the country had the full page picture of Tracy Porter on his way to the end zone with Manning on his dumper in the background – ouch!

Even prior to the interception the odds that the Colts would cover the spread were probably about a 1,000,000 to 1. “So, you’re saying there is a chance!” Yup, I still saw this game playing out with a Colts 30-24 victory. The no doubt portion was the Colts would tie the game with a touchdown, I mean no way would Manning not get that done, right? Then I had it in my mind that Manning would not want to leave the Super Bowl in the hands of an “idiot kicker”, therefore he would setup the Saints coverage with a double move to Reggie Wayne (open all day long, yet never attempted) and hit a long touchdown on the first play of overtime.

Unfortunately, we never got to overtime. That 14 point swing from the “pick-six “was, as NFL Network analyst Steve Mariucci put it, “the back breaker”. The Colonel would say “Really, do you think so, doctor?”

That play will live in Colts infamy like the night they snuck out of Baltimore, the Patriot years (the repeated playoff beatings they have taken at the hands of the Pats), the Chargers years (the repeated playoff beatings they have taken at the hands of the Chargers) and the Steelers years (the repeated playoff beatings they have taken at the hands of the Steelers). Where’s Rex Grossman when you need him? And while that play was the most obvious reason the Colts lost, here are 10 additional plays that turned the “easiest money Super Bowl” into a financial disaster (“Junior, you know what – it’s not such a bad idea for you to cut your teeth in Community College”):

1. The successful onside kick by the Saints to start the second half. The Colonel’s line so appropriate again, right, in fact this play may have been the biggest reason the Colts lost. If the Colts recover that kick, they undoubtedly march the 45 yards and score to go up 17-6. That would have been pretty tough to recover from for the Saints. And this wasn’t a Packers surprise onside against the Cardinals, where there wasn’t a Cardinal within 20 yards of the ball; the Colts actually had a player in the correct position. That player? Hank Baskett, who is best known for who he married, reality TV star/Playboy playmate Kendra Wilkinson, and not his exploits on the football field. Now just guessing here but Baskett is no doubt on the front line of the kickoff team for the potential of an onside kick not for his extraordinary blocking ability. So, he has one job – guard against a surprise onside. And he did everything right – he recognized the onside kick, came toward the ball and, and he effing muffed the recovery. It’s like the greeter at WalMart upon seeing a new customer walking toward the door making eye contact, smiling and then flipping the patron the bird! Look for Mr. Wilkinson to either be playing in some semi-pro league next year or staring in a reality TV series opposite his wife and newborn child.
2. The Pierre Garcon drop early in the second quarter. Leave it to a guy named Pierre to drop the ball in a key spot! My guess is Pierre thought a Russian soldier was approaching and dropped the ball while reaching for his white surrender flag. Compounding the drop is the fact that Pierre probably takes this to the “house” which would have put the Colts up 17-3. Can you say “ballgame!” Instead the Saints offense gets back on the field quickly and builds some momentum.
3. The ill-advised timeout by Manning with 1:16 left in the 4^th quarter. That was a move that 2003 Payton Manning would make, not this alleged “Terminator” or “Machine” that Manning has become. By taking a timeout in this situation the Colts were forced into an onside kick situation. I would have spiked the ball – setting up a third down at the Saints three. In addition to conserving the timeout, it would have probably prevented that ridiculous running play on third down (more on that in a minute).
4. The Reggie Wayne dropped pass on 4^th down and goal at the Saints five with :50 left. Reggie had to be hurt a lot worse than the Colts let on – since there is no way Tracy Porter or Jabari Greer could shut him down. He catches this ball in the endzone and the Colts have life.
5. The running play to Joseph Addai on 3^rd down and goal at the Saints three with 1:10 left in the game. Hey coach Manning, you’re down two touchdowns, not one. Time is so critical at that point that you just cannot take a chance on a run in that situation. At this point, Manning was like Ganz at the end of 48 Hours, “What I threw a game-losing pick six! I can’t believe it, grrrrrr!”
6. The offensive pass interference against Pierre Garcon on 1^st and goal from the Saints three with 1:26 left. Wow, I know a penalty is a penalty whether it’s the first quarter or the fourth quarter, but my goodness offensive pass interference is rarely called in the first place and this was ticky-tack, why call in this situation there? But it wouldn’t be a Caveman post without at least one mention of the most incompetent humans on the planet, the officials. This setup the “Manning implosion” of burning the timeout and Addai run.
7. The incomplete pass to Austin Collie matched against linebacker Jonathan Vilma with 10:51 left in the game. The play occurred on 3 & 11 from the Saints 33. I would be willing to bet that converted this play every time during the regular season and playoffs. In fact this was the same play he burnt the Jets on back-to-back plays right before half in the AFC Championship game. This time Manning was inaccurate as he threw short allowing Vilma to make the play. This miss setup play #8 . . .
8. The missed 51 yard field goal by Matt Stover. Just a terrible coaching decision to send Stover out for that field goal. Shouldn’t coaches really guard against a “worst case scenario” with all their decisions? A miss right there and the Saints have to drive a mere 25 yards to get into range of “Super Toe”, Garret Hartley. Stover doesn’t have that range meaning that attempt was probably way less than a 50-50 prop. Kind of like betting a $500 “Yo” on the crap table there Jimmy. Personally, I would have tried to get the same Collie on Vilma matchup as the previous play and gone for the first down.
9. With :51 seconds remaining in the second quarter the Colts faced a 3 and 1 at their own 10, and they called a running play. Allegedly the play call was sent in by head coach Jim Caldwell, who has some balls over-ruling Payton Manning. The play reeked of the “playing not to lose” mantra that was common in the Tony Dungy era. There are about 700 reasons why the Colts should have been aggressively trying to add points in that situation as opposed to the conservative run, run, run and punt strategy. Maybe the biggest reason – Manning had been on the field for a grand total of six plays in the second quarter, he needed to get his “groove” back. And what’s the worst case scenario if you go for it? The Saints score a defensive touchdown or get a turnover that leads to a touchdown. Big hairy deal, you have Payton Manning. But this is the kind of ball-less decision that the Colts management makes in spades and it continually has gotten them beat. So instead of etching their name on the “Sports Dynasties” list, they’re known as football’s version of the Atlanta Braves
10. The ^4th and one goal-line stop by the Colts. I know what you’re asking yourself, “How can a play that was in the Colts favor be one of the 10 plays that cost them the game?” I am glad you asked – here is the deal, if the Saints score there, the Colts get the ball back at roughly their own 25 with about 1:45 left. They also have two timeouts. My guess is they would aggressively try to add points and you have to like their chances in the situation after all they have the immortal Payton Manning. Worst case the game stays tied. What happens then, the Saints quite possibly don’t risk the onside kick to begin the second half, which in turn would most likely get Manning back into the flow of the game. Remember Manning had only attempted two passes in the entire second quarter.

 

That’ll do, Brett, that’ll do – NFL Championship Game Recaps

I can’t believe that in my “cruelest end to the Vikings season” scenarios I didn’t have the “Favre attempts a low percentage pass across the middle, despite having about four hundred better options available to him, that gets picked off with the Vikings one play away from sending their field goal kicker in for the game winner” scenario. But I have to admit even my cruelest vision pales in comparison to how this game played out.

I also have to admit, as much as it pains me to do so, that the Vikings were the better team on Sunday, much better ion fact. The yardage totals confirm that as the Vikes out-gained the Saints nearly 2-1 and, for historical purposes, I believe they had the most yards by a losing team in a conference championship game. So, how did they lose? Well, you can obviously point to the turnovers, but despite those they still had the ball at the end of the game with a chance to win. Isn’t that all you can ask for, especially on the road? Of course Favre is the goat, but the true culprit is Brad Childress, who despite having superior talent continually finds a ways for his team to lose. Want proof? Check out the final drive by the Vikings:

Minnesota Vikings at 02:37, with all three timeouts remaining

1-10-MIN 21 (2:37) 28-A.Peterson right end to MIN 21 for no gain

This is a slightly bizarre start to the drive that sends you to the Super Bowl. The Vikings were a passing team the entire year, why start off a drive where time is precious with a run? At this point, you’re the road team you have to play for the win. This call doesn’t support that strategy.

Two-Minute Warning

So 37 seconds are burned on a play that gains no yards! However, with the three timeouts, there is still plenty of the time to get in field goal range.

2-10-MIN 21 (2:00) 28-A.Peterson right guard to MIN 23 for 2 yards

Wow, just wow. So now you have setup a 3^rd and 8 or you’re faced with giving the ball back to the Saints. It appeared as though Childress was setting up overtime, which is a great strategy if you can hit the reset button and start over but is as brutal as it gets when playing with real bullets.

Timeout #2 by NO at 01:52

Saints coach Sean Payton was so perplexed by the strategy that he decided to use a timeout himself to conserve time. I can imagine the coach chatter on the headset:

Payton: “Hey Joe, what am I missing here? I think I have to call a timeout, right?”

Assistant Coach Joe Vitt: “It looks like he wants to go to overtime. Remember how you said before the game that Chilly would panic and do incredibly stupid things, well you’re a genius!”

 

3-8-MIN 23 (1:52) (Shotgun) 4-B.Favre pass short left to 87-B.Berrian to MIN 33 for 10 yards

The Vikings are bailed out when Saints CB Tracy Porter missed a tackle on Bernard Berrian and allowed him to run for the first down. So, the Vikings ran twice and threw the ball underneath on potentially their last drive of the season. Perplexing!

Timeout #1 by MIN at 01:39

Childress must hear voices telling him “Don’t take any timeouts to the locker room”. This is an ill-advised timeout as the ball only traveled 10- yards downfield you can run your normal hurry-up set here without wasting time . One timeout needs to be saved to setup the field goal, so they are essentially down to a single timeout.

1-10-MIN 33 (1:39) (Shotgun) 4-B.Favre pass deep right to 18-S.Rice to NO 47 for 20 yards (20-R.Gay)

Great play! The Vikings were picking apart the Saints secondary all day and finally on the fourth play of this drive they ran a play consistent with the situation. Right here, Vikings fans far and wide are rejoicing at the signing of Brett Farve.

1-10-NO 47 (1:14) 29-C.Taylor left guard to NO 33 for 14 yards

See how moronic that first timeout was. It took the Vikings 25 seconds to run the next play with the ball 20 yards down field, it would have taken mere 18 seconds off the clock to run the previous without a timeout, leaving the Vikings with all three timeouts and roughly 56 seconds to play.

The good news, for Vikings Fans, they are now only 15 yards away from comfortable field goal range.

Timeout #3 by NO at 01:06

Yikes! The terrible use of timeouts has rubbed off on Sean Payton. Why here and why now? It’s first down for the Vikings and you have one precious timeout remaining. Using does two things for the Vikings – 1. Allows them to re-group before running the next play; and 2. Conserves the Vikings two remaining timeouts – which is huge considering that Childress could burn those by failing to get the play in on time. At this point you have to believe as an opposing coach that there is no way the Vikings are going to settle for a 50 yard field goal with the amount of time remaining and the timeouts. That is a safe assumption, right? Look you never use timeouts on defense until your opponent is in clock burning mode. As a coach, I would be happy if my opponent settled for a 50 yard field goal in this situation, so why should I give them extra time. And they only had one timeout left, so the Vikings could burn the clock whether they used clock or not.

1-10-NO 33 (1:06) 29-C.Taylor right guard to NO 33 for no gain

Holy effing crap Childress is setting up the 50 yard field goal! I am not a coach, however for the purpose of the column I will play one. In this coach’s opinion I would never feel comfortable with settling for a field goal of any distance over 40 yards. Therefore, my team needs 10 more yards and I would continue attacking with a passing game that has not been stopped all game. And if bad things happen and I get grilled about it in the post-game press conference, I ask the question – “Who do you trust more – a field goal kicker or Brett Favre? Exactly, STFU!”

2-10-NO 33 (:25) 28-A.Peterson right end to NO 33 for no gain

You want to know the fool proof way to determine if a coach is blowing it? The test for that is simple – are the fans of the team happy with the strategy the opposing coach is employing. If the answer to that is yes, then said coach is blowing it big time! It was no secret I was cheering my backside off for the Saints. The last two plays consumed 41 seconds and gained zero yards, meaning I went from planning an afternoon ice skating with my kids on February 6^th to hopeful that maybe Childress would allow the clock to run out without attempting a field goal and saving the two timeouts for next pre-season!

Timeout #2 by MIN at 00:19

Come on, Chilly, what are you going to do next pre-season when you need that fifth timeout.

3-10-NO 33 (:19) PENALTY on MIN, Offensive 12 On-field, 5 yards, enforced at NO 33

The unthinkable happens – out of a timeout the Vikings have personnel issues in huddle. At this point Childress is overloaded and he most likely started sending players in the game randomly. Here is my attempt to figure out what was going through his mind – “I need Harvin, Rice and Berrian in there. Wait what is Chester doing on the sideline, get him in there. What is Kleinsasser doing getting a drink of Gatorade at this crucial moment – Clown get in the game. That’s only 11 right! Wait I think I am short a player – Greg Lewis needs to be in there, yea, he made that great catch against the 49ers. Ok, I think we’re set. Hang on? Doesn’t Cris Carter play for us? Get #80 in the game. What? We had 19 players in the huddle. How can that be? I am sure I counted …”

3-15-NO 38 (:19) 4-B.Favre pass deep middle intended for 18-S.Rice INTERCEPTED by 22-T.Porter at NO 22. 22-T.Porter to NO 48 for 26 yards

Favre has three better options on the sideline – run the ball himself, throw short to the running back or deeper to the tight end, each of those options would have gotten around 5-7 yards but he I am guessing he didn’t want to let a 50 yard field goal decide the game either, so he tried to make a play.

Childress should be fired for this egregious mishandling. I know Minnesota is middle America where a move like this would be shocking and viewed as unfair given that Childress has won two consecutive divisions. But I look back at what Red Sox management did after the 2003 season when they fired Grady Little after he left Pedro in game 7 of the ALCS. That Red Sox team was a better team than the Yankees and there was no excuse for losing to them, especially when they had significantly out-played them in the final game. The Vikings are no different.

Other Caveman grunts from Championship weekend:

• The Jets could not have scripted a better opening 28 minutes to the AFC Championship. Just after the Jets went up 17-6 I texted a friend, who is the biggest Jets fan I know, the following – “Looking good, we (Jets) just need to keep the Colts out of the end zone before half”. No sooner did I hit send and Manning hit Austin Collie with a 16 yard touchdown pass. The Jets still had the lead, but all of a sudden that defense didn’t seem as suffocating as they were in the first two rounds. And when the camera caught Manning walking off the field at halftime, he had the same look in his eye as Mike McDermott after he discovered Teddy KGB’s tell in Rounders. At that point I went from thinking the Jets were money in the bank to desperately hoping Sanchez could put up enough points to get me a garbage backdoor cover.
• “Hey Rex, you missed a spot!” That is what I would have yelled at Rex Ryan after the game. How did the Chargers and the Bengals miss the fact that the corner opposite Revis might be the worst player in the NFL? The Colts sure found the weakness and exploited over and over and over and over.
• How did the Saints beat the Cardinals so convincingly? That was the question I kept asking myself as I watched them stumbling around against the Vikings. It had to be that the Cardinals were spent from the week before and simply did not have the energy because this Saints team is not that good.
• The Saints dodged more bullets than Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield. In overtime the Saints needed two defensive penalties, a fourth down conversion that could’ve been easily over-turned and a key reception that could have been over-turned as well. It seemed as though the NFL wanted the Saints in the Super Bowl!
• I think Drew Brees is a terrific quarterback but I question whether he has what it takes to lead a Saints victory if it requires him to perform late in a game. He looked horrible late in that game and in overtime.
• According to a Vegas insider, the “likely” odds for the Super Bowl prior to the start of the Championship games were Indy -2.5 over NO. My first instinct after New Orleans won was that if that line was -2.5 I would spend the next two weeks liquidating everything I own to get as much money down on the Colts as possible. Sure enough it was too good to be true as the Saints poor performance pushed the opening line to Colts -5.