Tuesday Morning Fantasy Headlines – Week 3

Week three in the Banner Fantasy saw Unfrozen Caveman urinate in Vince’s Barbershop, which due to being frozen for thousands of years flooded and destroyed the ’shop. Among the victims, Hulkamaniacs! Before the destruction, Vince’s Barbershop shaved Hulkamaniacs bald!

Elsewhere in a “turf” battle Desert Pimps kick Da Boyz from NYC upstate. On their way out of town, Da Boyz stops for a BLT, but are poisoned with bad bacon from a the Warpig. Pimps also kidnap, beat to a bloody pulp and leave Dont mess with the Rohan for dead in a rural, mud hole. Barely breathing, Rohan gains consciousness only to find he is in Beantown Warpigs home. Warpigs use their “fat pouch” to suffocate the life from Rohan.

In the battle of evil, Beagles are more ferocious than Tazmanians, who in a deep depression over-eat at Kristi’s Kremes leaving themselves sluggish and unable to keep up with the high-scoring Kremes.

Kristi’s Kremes also continues to run through the management team like Indian food through Reuben Feffer by taking down Pherguson’s Philly Phanatic. Continuing with Along Came Polly theme, the Phanatic sharted in his pants against the Beagles.

Land Shark, clearly offended by last week’s gender confusing headline, shows his manhood by whipping out his huge Jones-Drew and beating Filthy Little Monkeys and Green Meanies senseless.

And finally, Filthy Little Monkeys torture Green Meanies by lighting them on fire, then quickly dunking them in ice cold water, followed by sticking them with push pins. After repeating that process a dozen times or so, Monkeys, displaying human sensitivity unknown to a primate, decide to let Meanies go. As Meanies leave are about to leave, Monkeys coldly stomp them to death. Monkeys is caught on camera smiling as they walk away from the scene.

Tuesday Morning Fantasy Headlines – Week 02

It was a grisly scene Sunday, as members of the Banner League witnessed Unfrozen Caveman clubbing Dont Mess with the Rohan, then dragging him back to his cave and, well, you know what happened next – bad things, man, bad things!

Feeling fully satisfied and a tad bit ornery, Unfrozen Caveman decided to light a bag of crap on fire in front of DA BOYZ FROM NYC house, thus breaking up the Jets love fest that was clearly going on. Caveman could be heard chuckling for miles, “HUH, WHO, WHO, HUH, WHO, WHO…”

Elsewhere, Desert Pimps put Beantown Warpigs to work for him at a measly 10%, however, Desert Pimps is later found GOREd to death by Vince’s Barbershop. The ’shop also stiffed Beantown Warpigs.

Tazmanians takes out their frustrating week one showing on Pherguson’s Philly Phanatic and Green’s Meanies, who appear to have called each other the night before and promised to score the exact same number of points. Only Meanies decided at the last minute to betray PPP and narrowed sliced him by .86 of a point.

Hulkamaniacs rides to a win over DA BOYZ FROM NYC and deletes the email he was writing with the subject “Clearance sale on washed quarterbacks coming off major knee surgery, who also had a staph infection”. However, in the battle of Manning’s, Dont Mess with the Rohan and Eli scissor kick Hulk and Peyton.

In the battle of XX’s, KK comes out on top of the FLM. Kristi Kremes also steals a case of Land Shark, takes one drink, spits it out and then returns the remaining 23 bottles.

The high flying Evil Beagles gnaw off Filthy Little Monkeys arms.

And finally, Evil Beagles use their Johnson to beat Land Shark’s Bush. . .

Tuesday Morning Fantasy Headlines

In Banner Fantasy League, Unfrozen Caveman turned the tables on Desert Pimps and slapped them around, however, Caveman failed to protect his backside and Beantown Warpigs snuck in from behind to give him the business.

Elsewhere in the BFL, DA BOYZ FROM NYC messed with the Don’t mess with the Rohan at Vince’s Barbershop. Neither DZ BOYZ nor Rohan, have been seen since as rumor is Vince’s Barbershop disposed of them.

Also in the BFL, Desert Pimps and Beantown Warpigs team-up to behead the two-headed quarterback monster of Hulkamaniacs.

Continuing in the Banner League, the high scoring Evil Beagles take a bite out of Kristi Kremes and Green’s Meanies. Meanies takes a break from complaining about playing the highest scoring team to dunk Kremes.

Filthy Little Monkeys and Land Shark, of the famed Banner League, tag-teamed Tazmanians, who watched helplessly as a certain running back for the San Diego Chargers, who wears 21 and goes by the nickname of “LT”, decided to play cheerleader for the 4^th quarter.

And finally in the BFL, Pherguson’s Philly Phanatic, yelled to Taz, “I got your back” and proceeded to hook Land Shark and spank the Filthy Little Monkeys.

The Top 10, Top 10 Busts! – Banner League Division Names

He’s back… After a loooong summer vacation, the Caveman blogger is ready to bust out a plethora of columns for the 2009 football season!

First off, the highly anticipated “Banner Division” names column. Each year I put together a column to name the divisions in my work fantasy football league. In 2007 the theme was “worst NFL head coaches” and last year it was “greatest sports chokes”. This year, despite many hours spent contemplating, I was drawing a blank.

I had a couple good ideas, like “teams with a roster full of the least likeable people in the world” (Yankees) or “teams that peaked too early but failed to win a title” (Yankees 2009). I had a couple good football ideas – “worst starting quarterbacks in the Super Bowl” and “all-time fantasy single season killers”. But each idea has a fatal flaw – not enough depth in the quarterbacks in the Super Bowl to make a decent column and too much subjectivity and research on the fantasy killers.

Shortly after 2009 NFL draft, I was thinking about how Matthew Stafford and Mark Sanchez will be gargantuan NFL busts and it hit me – NFL draft busts! I quickly gathered some criteria:

• Player had to be draft in the Top 10
• Post-merger
• More weight was given to the higher picks
• Another, better, option was available. Quarterback A was selected and Quarterback B was available, Quarterback B had a hall of fame career.
• More grace is given for an injury riddled career versus plain Joshua 23suckage or self-induced destruction

Here is my list of the 10 biggest top-10 draft pick busts. The top two will be the names of the Banner Fantasy divisions and the other eight will have a 2009 Banner Fantasy league award in their (dis) honor.

10. Kevin Allen, T – Philadelphia Eagles #9 pick in 1985. The Eagles plan worked to perfection in the 1985 draft as they picked up a “franchise” tackle in Allen in the first round and then got their franchise quarterback, Randall Cunningham in round two. Allen, when he wasn’t protecting Cunningham’s blind-side, would be acting as a road grater in Philadelphia’s powerful running game. Bring on the Lombardi’s!

Not so fast Eagle fans! Allen showed up to camp looking like the character Robert Downey Jr played in “Less Than Zero” (right now every guy who saw that movie shuddered thinking about the scene where Downey was “working” for his fix). The franchise tackle tested positive for cocaine in his first training camp.

Allen started a mere four games and was less than stellar, prompting then Eagles coach Buddy Ryan to comment, “Kevin Allen is a good football player, if you want someone to stand around and kill the grass.” I have a boatload of crab-grass in my backyard I wonder if this guy is a available!

The Eagles waived Allen after one colossal disappointing season. Soon after Allen regained the aggressiveness that made a top 10 pick, unfortunately this was at the expense of a young female whom Allen sexually assaulted. A conviction followed and Allen never returned to the NFL.

Award: “The Kevin Allen award for crash and burn at takeoff “

9. Mike Junkin, LB – Cleveland Browns #5 pick in 1987. I am firm believer that when you want a player, you draft them regardless of how early, bottom line you don’t leave it to chance. That’s exactly what the Browns did in 1987 in drafting Junkin with the 5^th pick overall, problem is Junkin was projected to a 5^th
rounder. So for you fantasy enthusiasts, that would be like an owner taking Brett Favre in the first round!

Flash back to draft 1987 and Junkin decides to go for a late morning, early afternoon quail hunt. He figures to back in time to see the 4^th round, just in time to fry up the “catch” from earlier and hear his name called. Imagine his disappointment when he gets home and his pops tells him he went 5^th –
“Really, I thought for sure I could be a 4^th rounder”, dad – “No son, you went 5^th overall, 1^st round, we’re rich!” This was Junkin’s lottery ticket and how many people, after winning the lottery, continue to work their job? Not many!

Junkin rewarded the Browns confidence with seven starts in two un-eventful years. Let’s forget the fact that the Browns passed on Shane Conlan and instead focus on the 45 linebackers drafted after Junkin that had more productive careers. Of course, I had a more productive career for the Browns than Junkin did.

Award: “The Mike Junkin award for biggest draft day reach”

8. Todd Blackledge, QB – Kansas City Chiefs #7 pick in 1983. You’re the Chiefs, you need a quarterback and the 1983 draft is a quarterback utopia featuring six top rated quarterbacks. You have the 7^th pick so you’re pretty confident in getting one of those quarterbacks. Sure enough, you have your pick of all but Elway and you choose, Todd Blackledge. People get fired over decisions like that!

Blackledge had a fair career, throwing for almost 5300 career yards, but considering the Chiefs could have picked Jim Kelly or Dan Marino, Blackledge has to be considered a gigantic bust and yes, it did cost Chiefs president Jack Steadman his job. Hell, the Chiefs would have done ok with Tony Eason or Ken O’Brien. Or maybe go with a hall of fame offensive lineman, Bruce Matthews.

The lowlights – a 6 (yes, 6!) interception game at home against the Los Angeles Rams in 1985 and posting a Rex Grossman-like 60.2 career quarterback rating.

Award: “The Todd Blackledge award for playing quarterback Russian Roulette and drawing the bullet.”

7. Andre Ware, QB – Detroit Lions #7 pick in 1990. It’s tough to blame the Lions for using the #7 pick on Ware, after all he was the Heisman trophy winner and set several NCAA passing records. Most importantly, there was no evidence that a “Run and Shoot” quarterback would fail miserably in the NFL.

Ware compiled 1112 career passing yards, a total he would throw for in roughly two college games. After leaving the Lions as free agent, he cut three times before finishing his career in NFL Europe. Whoa! I guess the local semi-pro team was all set at quarterback.

As a top 10 pick in the NFL, Ware makes a pretty good ESPN color commentator.

Award: “The Andre Ware award for being a product of the system”

6. Reggie Rogers, DE – Detroit Lions #7 pick in 1987. 1987 was perhaps the worst top 10 in the history of the NFL draft – 2 top 10’s, and three others in consideration (Kelly Stouffer, Brent Fullwood and Alonzo Highsmith). Rogers is clearly the top bust of that group, a pass rushing specialist notched two sacks in one NFL season.

Unfortunately, Rogers tale is a truly sad, one of self destruction. Rogers has rung up DUI’s the way a top 10 pick generally collects pro bowl appearances, with at least six to his name including one all the way back while he was in college. Shame on the Lions, they knew of this and still took the chance.

He was convicted vehicular homicide while driving under the influence in 1988 and served 16 months in prison. The career that never really began was effectively over.

Award: “The Reggie Rogers award for doing your due diligence and ignoring a checkered past”

5. Rich Campbell, QB – Green Bay Packers #6 pick in 1981. When the Packers drafted Campbell in 1981, Cheesehead nation was confident they had the next Bart Starr and a player that would lead them to the Promised Land. Well, Campbell may have lead many people to the Promised Land, but not as a quarterback. He became a Baptist Minister after a four year, seven game career with the Packers.

When looking up Campbell’s stats, I had to double check and make sure I wasn’t looking at stats for an offensive lineman. I also think it’s safe to say that opposing defensive backs were salivating when Campbell came into the game, as he had a very Jake Delhomme-esque nine picks in 68 passes.

Award: “The Rich Campbell award for I could be doing something more productive on Sunday than watching my fantasy stats like a teenage boy viewing his first skin flick”

4. Ki-Jana Carter, RB – Penn State #1 pick in 1995. Ki-Jana has the special distinct as being the only #1 overall pick on the list. He had solid numbers, 1144 yards and 21 TDs, if it were for a single season but those were his career numbers and amazingly he played seven seasons. How about this telling stat of mediocrity – he averaged 19.4 yards per game. Other running back busts, like Lawrence Phillips (41.5 yards per game), Curtis Enis (41.6 YPG) and even Blair Thomas (34.9 YPG) had significantly better numbers.

In fairness to Carter, he blew out his knee during the pre-season of his rookie campaign and seemingly never recovered. Without the injury he would have certainly run up at least 1500 yards and 25 TDs! Yep, in my personal opinion he would have been a bust either way.

Award: “The Ki-Jana Carter award for perpetual mediocrity”

3. Akili Smith, QB – Oregon #3 pick in 1999. 1999 was another year filled with a group of tremendous quarterbacks, with Tim Couch, Donovan McNabb, Akili Smith, Duante Culpepper and Cade McNown all going in the first 12 picks. However, Smith, McNabb and Couch were regarded as a cut above the other two. The teams (Cleveland, Philadelphia and Cincinnati) with the first three picks all needed a quarterback. Cincinnati was basically left in the position to take whomever fell to them.

Now this is the Bengals, so the player that dropped to them was Akili and the rest is history. The real question is what would the Bengals have done with the number two pick? That would have happened, if not for squeaking out a one point in week 16 the previous season. I am not a betting man (ok, I am) but my money would have been on the Bengals ending up with Smith whether they picked second or first, for that matter. I mean they wouldn’t be the Bengals if they made good decisions, right?

Smith was another product of a fantastic college system, which granted him the freedom to make plays against lesser competition. In sharp contrast, playing quarterback is as tasking mentally as it is physically. Unfortunately, Akili Smith fell short in the mental part of the game and was out of the league within four years.

His final numbers – 3-14 record as a starter, 2212 yards passing and a 52.8 quarterback rating. Akili Smith’s career resembled Enron stock – from a peak in October 1999 to a virtual end in December 2001.

Award: “The Akili Smith award for catching a falling knife”

Before I unveil the Banner division names in the top two biggest top-10 draft busts, I want to list the players that came oh so close, the dis-honorable mention, if you will:

Larry Stegent, RB, #8/1970 – An injury effective cut his career short. Makes the list if drafted higher

Charles Rogers, WR, #2/2003 – Very productive in his time in the league, two injuries and a drug suspension truncated a promising career. Too productive in his limited time

Lawrence Phillips, RB, #6/1996 – Again, LP was productive for a time, showing flashes of greatness, but probably would be number #11, just outside.

Mike Williams, WR, #10/2005 – Sat out a year on the Maruice Clarett decision, big mistake as he never recovered. A lot of grace is extended for a #10 pick.

Kelly Stouffer, QB, #6/1987 – Drafted by the Cardinals to light a fire under Neil Lomax. Never signed with the Cardinals and never hit his potential.

Bruce Pickens, CB, #3/1991 – I remember when he got drafted I told a buddy – “How did that happen? This guy sucked at Nebraska.” So, that’s when the league didn’t bother to look at whether a guy could actually play football and relied on stats like 40 time, bench press and vertical jump.

Trev Alberts, LB, #5/1994 – This guy had more elbow problems than Tommy John and it effectively cut his career short.

Brian Jozwiak, G, #7/1986 – Three seasons and 28 games was pretty tough to overlook, but at the end of the day he was a Guard, maybe the most “meh” position in the league. Can you imagine the Chiefs fans on draft day 1986 – “Sweet, Keith Byars is there and we need a running back”. “WTF? Who is Josweack?”

Jamal Reynolds, DE, #10/2001 – 18 games in three injury riddled seasons. Funny thing I would have bet anything this guy was the next Bruce Smith.

On to the top-2:

2. Art Schlichter, QB – Ohio State #4 pick in 1982. I bet you didn’t see this coming! For as long as I have been a fan of football, I have seen productive NFL players get chance after chance. It’s wildly understated that Schlichter had (has) personal problems which certainly did not help him in his profession. But the reality is even he had escaped the demons he would have making this list, he just wasn’t good enough. How do I know? As grave as his problems were, teams weren’t lining up to get him.

How about short list of Schlichter by the numbers:

0 – wins as a starting quarterback. Yea, I am pretty sure the Colts were betting they would get a little more out of him

3 – Career touchdown passes, thus killing any fantasy team owner that gambled on him back mid 80s

42.6 – No, it’s not some vig percentage paid to bookies – it’s Schlichter’s career passer rating. For the record that is lower than the, (spoiler alert), #1 bust.

Those are ugly numbers. To make matters worse he killed the Colts franchise wise and in many ways was the catalyst for the ultimate move to Indianapolis. Had Schlichter been productive, they Colts never get raped by Elway and the Broncos, further maybe the city of Baltimore would have been more willing to fulfill the request of Colts ownership for improvements to their stadium.

And, maybe, the Colts don’t pull a Bill Murray in Stripes and sneak out in the middle of the night to Indianapolis. Over-Under on the number of Schlichter fans in Balitmore – .5, I will take the under!

1. Ryan Leaf, QB – Washington State #2 pick in 1998. I wish I had the ability to go back in time to change the details of an event, to see how things would play out differently. One event I would definitely change is the 1998 draft – I would have the Colts select Leaf and the Chargers take Manning.

How does that play out? Well we now know the Manning family felt that San Diego was similar to Archie’s Saints teams (perennial losers), so there is a good chance the Mannings would have pulled something to get Peyton out of San Diego. Maybe they would’ve forced a deal to Philadelphia and Manning could have played his career with sub-standard WR and the most un-imaginative head coach in the NFL. We also know that the Colts roster was stocked with better talent (a hall of fame receiver and running back on the roster) and the Colts had a better coaching staff (by default, Kevin Gillbride is nominee for worst NFL head coach ever).

Could it be possible that Leaf would be Manning and vice versa? I highly doubt it, though remember coming into 1998 draft Manning’s only perceived advantage over Leaf was that he was more “polished”. Virtually everyone agreed that Leaf had better physical tools and more importantly had a personality conducive to playing quarterback in the NFL. Manning was seen as too uptight and there were serious concerns (this has played out to be true) about his ability to win the “big” game.

The Chargers were so confident in either quarterback that they gave up quite a haul to move from #3 to #2, included in the deal were Pro Bowl returner Eric Metcalf, two first round picks, a second round pick and Patrick Sapp.

I would call this “karmic” payback for the Schlichter, that the Colts were able to see what Leaf for what he really was – a Nuke Laloosh, a guy with a million dollar arm and nickel head. Ironically, the Colts magically made a similar decision the very next year by selecting Edgerrin James over Ricky Williams, which may have been the best two back-to-back decisions by GM (Bill Polian) in the history of the NFL.

Leaf’s career started well, winning his first two games as a rookie despite throwing for less than 200 yards in each game and a mere one touchdown. Those two games represent half of the total wins in Leaf’s career. He finished with a career record of 4-17 as a starter and threw a whopping 36 interceptions in 25 games.

My lasting image of Ryan Leaf in the NFL – a game in Seattle where backed-up on his own goalline, as Leaf drops to pass it is very apparent he is completely confused, he gets Jim Everett happy feet and then fires a 100-MPH ball in the middle of the field in to a crowd of, literally, five Seattle DBs, the ball is tipped and intercepted.

But not all is lost, Ryno, you got a full year of glory in the Banner Fantasy league!

 

 

 

Fantasy Football – Final Four Predictions

I am still alive in three of my five fantasy leagues. Since there are twenty teams left in my five leagues I thought it would be interesting to do a breakdown of the teams left and the individual players left on each team.

First off, the cross-over teams:

• Fearsome Foursome – five teams, made the playoffs in all five leagues, survived in three
• Desperados – four leagues, playoffs in one league, still alive
• Convicts – two leagues, playoffs in one league, still alive
• The Dark Side – two leagues, playoffs in both leagues, still alive in one
• Da Boyz From NYC – three leagues, playoffs in two leagues, still alive in both
• Sugar Daddy’s – three leagues, playoffs in one, eliminated
• Annihilators – two leagues, playoffs in one, still alive
• Beantown Warpigs – two leagues, playoffs in one, eliminated
• The GSW Rule – two leagues, did not make the playoffs in either

There are 37 single franchise owners in the five leagues, 11 still alive in the playoffs.

Next, I pulled the rosters for every remaining team to see the common players still alive. No individual player is still alive in all five leagues, but ten players are alive in four leagues:

Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB

Norwood, Jerious ATL RB

Westbrook, Brian PHI RB

Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR

Scaife, Bo TEN TE

Bush, Reggie NOS RB

Vinatieri, Adam IND PK

Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR

Miller, Zach OAKTE

Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB

 

It is no surprise that DeAngelo Williams is on this list, as he has single handedly carried several fantasy teams down the stretch. Williams was not even an every week starter as late as week five, now Williams is like the equivalent of a homeowner discovering oil on their property. Equally not surprising is Jonathon Stewart is on the list,as three of the four DeAngelo owners have the hand-cuff.

The list has two bona-fide studs Larry Fitzgerald, who might be the most consistent fantasy player ever, and Bryan Westbrook, who has been on a tear the past couple of weeks. And to think the “experts” were suggesting benching Westbrook before the Arizona game in week 12. Only one lucky owner has both of these guys as he heads to battle in the semis.

I dismiss Vinatieri and Norwood as merely coincidence. Zach Miller and Bo Scaife have provided huge value at low cost to owners, as both these guys were either late round draft picks or available on the wire.

Dwayne Bowe has produced consistent #2 receiver numbers this, but again more of a coincidence.

And there is Reggie Bush and his uplifting performance on Thursday. Bush did his best to destroy the fantasy hopes and dreams of those four owners.

Other notables:

• Joseph Addai – Alive in ZERO leagues. That’s right Mr. Addai is one of the biggest bust in the history of fantasy football. The “experts” were secretly (uh, not so much) telling everyone back in week 10 “buy low” on Addai, because of the Colts schedule weeks 13-16 (Browns, Bengals, Lions and Jaguars). And how has Joe done in the first two weeks? 103 total yards! It is time for the fantasy community to realize this guy is nothing more than the lesser half of a time-share.
• Clinton Portis – One league. If the season was shortened to eight games, Clinton would have been a champ in every league.
• Matt Forte – Alive in three leagues, but made the playoffs in four and narrowly missed in the fifth. Forte treated his owners to a consistent season, but his Thursday (under) performance may have popped a cap in a couple seasons.
• Brandon Marshall/Andre Johnson – There are some guys you badly want out of the playoffs – Marshall and Johnson are examples. Both remain in only one league and coincidentally they are on the same team. I feel fortunate to have survived both of them last week.
• Brandon Jacobs/Frank Gore – Both alive in two leagues. Unfortunately, both are primed to let their owners down when they need them most.
• Kurt Warner – One measly league! Very surprising considering Matt Lienart was drafted ahead of Warner is most drafts.
• Randy Moss – Still alive in three leagues. Kudos to these owners – they either had a plan B or picked up Moss on clearance after week 2.
• Torry Holt – Still alive in three leagues, but could be alive in all five since his is available on waivers in the other two leagues. Wall 1 Holt 0.
• Braylon Edwards – What post would be complete without a reference to my beloved “Kid Drop”. Still alive in two leagues, but fighting for playing time with the likes of Roscoe Parrish, Reggie Williams, Jason Hill and Bobby Engram.

Before the predictions here are five players most likely to produce the “no effing way” game this weekend

Note: I had a question on what qualifies as a “no effing way” game. The best way to answer that is to imagine you getting ready to watch the Bucs/Panthers game Monday night and you are playing against DeAngelo Williams. You have a comfortable lead going into the game and by the start of the 4^th quarter you are peeking ahead to your semi-final playoff matchup. With about 2:21 seconds left in the game, you jump up and yell at the TV “No Effing Way!!” as you watch DeAngelo break 15 tackles on his way to the end zone. So while points scored are critical, there is a component of helplessness as you watch a player crush your fantasy season.

Another (bonus) note: Same scenario as above, but instead of watching the game at home you are a cameraman working on the sidelines. DeAngelo happens to break free on the sideline where you are positioned, does it cross your mind to run on the field and tackle him. I would do it, if all it cost me was a fine and maybe a night in jail. The hidden bonus – you would be a legend in the fantasy community. Another hidden bonus – the Bucs would strongly consider signing you.

Week 15 candidates:

1. Peyton Manning – Last time Manning faced the Lions he threw six touchdowns. Anyone facing Manning, Wayne, Harrison, Clark, and even that Robinson guy, should be extremely worried this week.
2. Dominic Rhodes – Not so much because I think he will put up a line like 180 and 3, but more because if you are playing against him this week part of you thinks – “great, I hope he doesn’t change his lineup” – then you watch Rhodes put up 100 and 2 touchdowns.
   
3. Clintion Portis – You know what happens when a player publicly complains? Bad things, man, bad things! Speaking of publicly complaining. . .
   
4. Terrell Owens – Back in the late 90s when Jerry Rice was past his prime and was getting chased down from behind by defensive tackles, he would always have a huge day the week he complained about not getting the ball. The 49ers knew he was done, but they still caved and made him the focal point that week. The difference in Dallas, Owens is still in his prime and has the owner on his side – Jerry Jones basically called out Romo this week and told him “get Owens the ball”.
   
5. Bryan Westbrook – Westbrook plays Monday night, at home against a terrible team, so probability for the “no effing way” game is off charts. If you are playing against Westbrook, what type of lead do you need to feel safe? Enough to counter for a 200 combined and 4 TDs!
   

Five relative unknowns that could surprise:

1. Seneca Wallace – Against the Rams. ‘Nuff said.
2. Jerious Norwood – One of the ten players alive in four fantasy leagues. Although he isn’t currently in any lineup, he has the potential to go nuts against Bucs.
3. Davone Bess – Quick what team does Bess play for? Exactly. Quietly, Bess has put up nice numbers this past couple of weeks. Look for a similar numbers this week and a TD.
4. Derrick Ward – Gets the start in place of Brandon Jacobs this week. The nice thing about Ward is that he is the third down back as well, so you know he is going to get plenty of touches.
5. Maurice Morris –
   Against the Rams. ‘Nuff said.

Five fantasy killahs:

1. Reggie Bush – Shades of LT last January as Bush sat on the sideline and watched Pierre Thomas blossom. Nice job, Pierre!
2. Tony Romo – Only if he refuses to throw the ball to anyone other than his butt-buddy, Witten.
3. Ben Roethlisberger – This game against the Ravens might affect Big Ben for his week 16 matchup as well.
4. DeAngelo Williams/Jonathan Stewart – I have a feeling this “dynamic duo” is going to fall flat this week. Mind you, I have no facts to back this up and the matchup looks as appetizing as a “blooming onion”, but something tells me that owners of these two guys will be very disappointed come Monday morning.
5. Michael Turner – I know, I know, the Bucs run defense blows. But stay with me here – the Bucs were gashed mostly on the outside last week because they lost containment, Turner is an inside runner, Turner is on the bench for more that 50% of the Falcons offensive plays and if Turner doesn’t find the end-zone he is a bust.

Week 14 recap:

“No effing way” picks – Nailed Manning and Marshall. Missed badly on Forte and Peterson. So-so on Warner and Brees.

“Unknowns” – Hit a “walk-off” with Branch. Hightower found the end-zone, but little else. The rest are still “unknowns”.

“Killahs” – Nailed Barber, Portis and “The Browns” (really that wasn’t fair, I mean who on earth would have been counting on a Brown last week). Thomas Jones and McNabb both did enough to help their owners

On to the predictions, this week every one of my leagues is included: (I used the ESPN projections to compile an “ESPN” score and Caveman’s projections)

Banner Fantasy League

Will the drama of the Banner Fantasy league playoff semi-finals continue in 2008? Let’s flashback one year ago and the semi-final game between Kristi Kremes and Wretched Blood Hens. Both teams were done except for Kremes, who had Bryan Westbrook still playing a Sunday afternoon game. Down by 2.42 points, Kremes seemingly needed a miracle to pull out the game against the Hens. Then it happened Westbrook took a handoff and broke through the first line of defense. Not a single Cowboy was around. At this point, no one was standing in Kremes way of advancing to the Banner Bowl and finishing an admirable second place.

Then it happened, Westbrook knelt at the one – 24 yard gain – 2.4 points and a .02 loss for Kremes. This is perhaps the ultimate tale of fantasy woe ever known to man.

The league “Titans” all advanced in week one. Both games this week feature division rivals – #1 Hulkamaniacs against #5 Pherguson’s Philly Phanatic and #2 Tazmanians verse #3 Unfrozen Caveman

Hulkamaniacs v. Pherguson’s Philly Phanatic

Hulkamaniacs			Pherguson’s Philly Phanatic
Player	ESPN	Caveman	Player	ESPN	Caveman
Manning, Peyton IND QB	25.96	28.00	Schaub, Matt HOU QB	11.66	9.00
Orton, Kyle CHI QB	18.76	14.00	Warner, Kurt ARI QB	28.08	29.20
Johnson, Larry KCC RB	8.30	17.50	Bush, Reggie NOS RB	8.80	12.50
Turner, Michael ATL RB	20.90	6.50	Forte, Matt CHI RB	21.40	23.00
Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB	24.90	14.70	Westbrook, Brian PHI RB	39.40	31.50
Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR	21.30	11.40	Holmes, Santonio PIT WR	4.30	8.00
Houshmandzadeh, T.J. CIN WR	18.10	13.40	Mason, Derrick BAL WR	12.00	8.70
Shockey, Jeremy NOS TE	10.00	12.50	Miller, Zach OAK TE	14.60	13.00
Carpenter, Dan MIA PK	16.00	12.00	Bryant, Matt TBB PK	13.00	13.00
Ravens, Baltimore BAL Def	7.00	9.00	Panthers, Carolina CAR Def	2.00	5.00
HFA (Home Field Advantage)	8.00	8.00
Total:	179.22	147.00	Total:	155.24	152.90

 

Pherguson is living a charmed life and Caveman predicts that string of good fortune continues at least one more week, while ESPN differs and predicts Hulkamaniacs will play for the prestigious Banner Cup.

While the “experts” are close with Caveman on Pherguson, we vary wildly on Hulk. The most notable – Michael Turner – Caveman believes Turner will struggle, ESPN believes Turner will go off. The two prognosticators also differ on DeAngelo Williams, with Caveman proudly displaying his church bell sized cojones and predicting an off game for Williams. The “experts”, with their “Grape Nuts”, played it safe with Williams and predicted a monster game.

Pherguson has to like having the last laugh with Westbrook against that porous Browns defense.

Thursday night update: Hulk is off Caveman’s pace by 14.42 and ESPN by 16.68, while Pherguson is down 15.10 according to Caveman and 9.80 by ESPN’s standard.

Tazmanians v. Unfrozen Caveman

Unfrozen Caveman			Tazmanians
Player	ESPN	Caveman	Player	ESPN	Caveman
Cassel, Matt NEP QB	14.46	8.32	Rivers, Philip SDC QB	20.92	21.12
Jackson, Steven STL RB	12.50	20.00	Faulk, Kevin NEP RB	12.60	10.50
Bess, Davone MIA WR	12.90	11.80	Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB	5.80	13.00
Bryant, Antonio TBB WR	21.30	12.40	Tomlinson, Ladainian SDC RB	20.00	27.50
Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR	22.70	23.60	Wayne, Reggie IND WR	19.50	28.00
Owens, Terrell DAL WR	17.50	23.00	Welker, Wes NEP WR	14.80	14.40
Cooley, Chris WAS TE	18.10	11.70	Stevens, Jerramy TBB TE	7.80	7.70
Gonzalez, Tony KCC TE	27.10	28.00	Reed, Jeff PIT PK	12.00	12.00
Vinatieri, Adam IND PK	5.00	9.00	Chargers, San Diego SDC Def	4.00	8.00
Cowboys, Dallas DAL Def	2.00	10.00	Redskins, Washington WAS Def	9.00	11.00
			HFA (Home Field Advantage)	2.00	2.00
Total:	153.56	157.82	Total:	128.42	155.22

 

The ESPN projections have this game as a rout, while Caveman grunts out “Not so fast”. The biggest differences for Caveman are Reggie Wayne, due to break out and Antonio Bryant, due to fall back.

The key to this game might end up being quarterback for Caveman, if Cassel can match Rivers it will be very tough for Tazmanians to keep up the pace.

Caveman fires the last shot with Owens and Dallas defense on Sunday night and keeping with Banner tradition the game will end something like this:

Trailing by .4 points late in the game, the Cowboys sack Manning, force a fumble and recover it to give Caveman a 2.6 point victory

Neither team had a player Thursday night.

Sizzling Fantasy League

The sixth and seventh seeds survived round 1 of the playoff and are now poised to take on the beasts of the league (#4 DA BOYZ FROM NYC and #1 Desperados)

BeefGravy AllStars v. Desperados

BeefGravy AllStars			Desperados
Player	ESPN	Caveman	Player	ESPN	Caveman
Manning, Peyton IND QB	13.88	18.00	Rivers, Philip SDC QB	10.16	9.40
Jones-Drew, Maurice JAC RB	19.65	17.00	Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB	2.50	9.50
McClain, Le’Ron BAL RB	9.15	8.85	Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB	17.35	9.75
Bowe, Dwayne KCC WR	15.15	6.20	Bess, Davone MIA WR	7.45	6.90
Ginn Jr., Ted MIA WR	10.80	3.50	Jackson, DeSean PHI WR	4.90	4.50
Hester, Devin CHI WR	9.70	6.50	Johnson, Andre HOU WR	15.95	16.50
Jennings, Greg GBP WR	13.30	14.20	Marshall, Brandon DEN WR	16.30	18.25
Boss, Kevin NYG TE	7.00	3.05	Carlson, John SEA TE	3.00	11.90
Vinatieri, Adam IND PK	5.00	9.00	Bryant, Matt TBB PK	13.00	13.00
Dolphins, Miami MIA Def	(1.00)	(10.00)	Steelers, Pittsburgh PIT Def	(5.00)	5.00
Total:	102.63	76.30	Total:	85.61	104.70

 

ESPN and I differ almost inversely on this game. I guess we will see who the real experts after this week – a team of self-proclaimed fantasy gurus or a man who recently learned to stop eating his own, err, uh waste.

Thursday night update: BGAS is off Caveman’s pace by 2.2 and ESPN’s by 5.4.

Daemons v. DA BOYZ FROM NYC

Daemons			DA BOYZ FROM NYC
Player	ESPN	Caveman	Player	ESPN	Caveman
Cutler, Jay DEN QB	10.38	7.60	Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB	1.28	1.20
Bush, Reggie NOS RB	5.10	8.00	Jones, Thomas NYJ RB	16.80	13.00
Dunn, Warrick TBB RB	11.45	4.50	Slaton, Steve HOU RB	11.50	9.75
Forte, Matt CHI RB	13.20	15.00	Washington, Leon NYJ RB	2.00	4.25
Jackson, Steven STL RB	5.85	13.00	Westbrook, Brian PHI RB	31.20	23.50
Gage, Justin TEN WR	9.30	6.50	Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR	15.85	17.30
Moore, Lance NOS WR	13.75	6.75	Moss, Santana WAS WR	6.60	11.40
Gates, Antonio SDC TE	11.75	12.15	Keller, Dustin NYJ TE	2.00	13.60
Gould, Robbie CHI PK	13.00	11.00	Feely, Jay NYJ PK	14.00	10.00
Eagles, Philadelphia PHI Def	10.00	12.00	Jets, New York NYJ Def	(7.00)	7.00
Total:	103.78	96.50	Total:	94.23	111.00

 

Another game where the ESPN prediction is way off the mark. What’s so funny about their projection – they predict touchdowns for Gage, Moore and Dunn, yet Steven Jackson, who has a better matchup than all of those players, will not find the end-zone.

They called the Seahawks/Rams a shootout – “both teams marching up and down the field at will” (ESPN.COM). So somehow those same diarrhea defenses will stiffen in the red zone? And even if the Rams only score the one touchdown, isn’t like about 99.9% likely that it is Jackson?

This game comes down to Monday night and Westbrook v. the Eagles, if DA BOYZ are within 11 points they are looking good.

Thursday night update: Daemons is off to a terrible start, with their four guys amassing a mere 21 points, compared with ESPN’s projection of 45.05 (-24.05) and Caveman’s 40.75 (-19.75).

Dry Heat Fantasy League

The top four seeds play in the final four this week – with the top seed Annihilators taking on division rival and #4 seed Cleveland Steamers. In the other semi-final, Convicts (#2) face off with DA BOYZ FROM NYC (#3).

Cleveland Steamers v. Annihilators

The Steamers handed Annihilators two of their three losses during the regular season. It is hard it is to beat a team three times in one season, but the Steamers caught a huge break with Brandon Jacobs sitting out this week. Steamers start Jacobs replacement, Derrick Ward, while Annihilators lose one of their top guns.

Cleveland Steamers			Annihilators
Player	ESPN	Caveman	Player	ESPN	Caveman
Campbell, Jason WAS QB	13.50	11.60	Cassel, Matt NEP QB	9.28	7.90
Turner, Michael ATL RB	20.90	6.50	Choice, Tashard DAL RB	3.50	5.30
Ward, Derrick NYG RB	25.40	25.60	Peterson, Adrian MIN RB	15.70	26.40
Westbrook, Brian PHI RB	30.40	29.00	Stewart, Jonathan CAR RB	5.30	13.00
Breaston, Steve ARI WR	8.40	7.50	Avery, Donnie STL WR	5.70	2.50
Houshmandzadeh, T.J. CIN WR	14.60	9.90	Boldin, Anquan ARI WR	24.00	21.00
Welker, Wes NEP WR	11.30	10.40	Gaffney, Jabar NEP WR	3.30	4.00
White, Roddy ATL WR	17.30	18.00	Wayne, Reggie IND WR	17.00	25.00
Scheffler, Tony DEN TE	7.70	19.50	Scaife, Bo TEN TE	6.10	8.80
Longwell, Ryan MIN PK	11.00	9.00	Vinatieri, Adam IND PK	5.00	9.00
Total:	160.50	147.00	Total:	94.88	122.90

 

Once again, ESPN has this game way out of whack. Bottom line – it is going to be tough for Annihilators, but they have play-makers capable of “no effing way” type games. How much does this game change if Adrian Peterson runs for 2-fifty and three TDs in the desert? Or Donnie Avery has one of his 6-163-2 games?

These are the types of games that always go haywire in fantasy, just when you think something looks like it should happen the opposite actually does.

I stick with Steamers but I would not be surprised if those above scores are reversed – that is just the way fantasy works!

DA BOYZ FROM NYC			Convicts
Player	ESPN	Caveman	Player	ESPN	Caveman
Romo, Tony DAL QB	10.54	12.20	Garrard, David JAC QB	12.96	15.50
Slaton, Steve HOU RB	16.90	11.50	Barber, Marion DAL RB	8.60	15.50
White, LenDale TEN RB	11.20	11.50	Faulk, Kevin NEP RB	11.10	8.00
Williams, DeAngelo CAR RB	23.90	15.20	McClain, Le’Ron BAL RB	13.10	11.70
Evans, Lee BUF WR	17.40	7.60	Bryant, Antonio TBB WR	17.80	9.90
Holt, Torry STL WR	13.40	7.30	Fitzgerald, Larry ARI WR	19.20	19.10
Jackson, DeSean PHI WR	7.80	7.00	Ginn Jr., Ted MIA WR	13.60	6.50
Moss, Randy NEP WR	13.50	16.50	Ocho Cinco, Chad CIN WR	5.10	6.70
Keller, Dustin NYJ TE	7.30	19.20	Daniels, Owen HOU TE	9.00	10.70
Dawson, Phil CLE PK	10.00	4.00	Gostkowski, Stephen NEP PK	7.00	13.00
Total:	131.94	112.00	Total:	117.46	116.60

 

I have this game too close to call, while the ESPNxperts have DA BOYZ coming out with a comfortable win.

Bottom line – this game comes down to the quarterbacks, everything else will be about equal. IF DA BOYZ and turn that 3.3 deficit into a 1.7 advantage they win.

At the end of the day, I like the Convicts to prevail.

2008 Banner Fantasy League Division Names

Last year I named the Banner Fantasy division after three of the most un-successful head coaches ever to grace an NFL sideline. This year the Banner League expanded to fourteen teams and as a result shrunk to two divisions. I thought long and hard about new division names. I finally came up with the theme – greatest sports chokes of all time! First I developed the criteria:

1. Time – I focused only on the last 29 years – 1979 – 2007 (Yankee fan just about crapped his pants after reading that – “What how nice to not include 1978!”). Ok, for my beloved Yankee fan friends, I will go back a full 30 years to include a certain 1978 baseball season.
2. Significance of the event – More weight is given to championship games than the regular season.
3. History – Was the choke un-paralleled? If so, more weight given was added.
4. Opponent – A hated rival adds more weight.
5. Gag Factor – How apparent was the choke? How obvious was it that a team got tight and that affected their play?
6. Memory – Did this particular choke change the image or path of the choker?
7. Single season – In other words, no consideration was given to dynasty-type choke.

With that out of the way I began formulating my list. What I quickly found is there were so many deserving teams/individuals that it seemed un-fair to limit it to just two. Therefore, I decided to compile the top 10 chokes of all-time – with the top two being the division names and create an award for the remaining eight.

And away we go…..

First a list (no order) and small blurb about “gag-jobs” that finished just outside the top 10:

• 1990-91 UNLV Running Rebels – the last team to be undefeated in the final four; seemed destined to complete the first un-blemished season since 1976 (Indiana). They lost to Duke in the national semi-final, a team beat they clobbered by 30 points to win the 1990 championship.
  • Why they deserved to be a top 10? The “GAG Factor” was off the charts, with about 10 minutes left in a tight game they completely fell apart capped off by one of the worst closing game sequences I had ever seen.
  • Why they didn’t make the top 10? College basketball choking was and still is common place, so historical this scores low.
• 2001 St. Louis Rams – the second biggest favorite to lose a Super Bowl (Baltimore in SB III). The Rams lost only two games in 2001, New Orleans by three and to Tampa Bay by seven. In those two games they committed 14 combined turnovers, yet still had reasonable chances to win both games. They were dominant.
  • Why they deserved to be a top 10? They blew a chance at a being a dynasty. The loss changed the historical perspective of the Rams – as they are known more as a “one-year” wonder. They were on the biggest stage and lost as the second biggest Super Bowl favorite.
  • Why they didn’t make the top 10? Plain and simple the Pats cheated. In all reality, we will never know how much information the Patriots got from being present at the walk-thru, but it might have just been enough to tip the scales, throw in the arrogance of Mike Martz and my feeling is the better (and better prepared) team that day won.
• 1978 Boston Red Sox – Historically, everyone thinks this team blew a 14 game August lead. The reality is they were never up 14 games at any point in that season. Ten games was their biggest lead, nine games was their biggest August lead. The Red Sox had a 14 game lead on the Yankees on July 16^th, from that point the Sox played roughly .500 (37-35). The Yankees finished out 51-21(.708), playing .700 baseball for that length of time is rarified air.
  • Why they deserved to be a top 10? They blew a 14 game to their most hated rival. Compare this version to the 2007 Red Sox who had a similar lead and did not blow it. They win one game of the “Boston Massacre” and the Yankees crawl back to their rat infested stadium with their tails between their legs.
  • Why they didn’t make the top 10? The Yankees won the division by playing out of their mind. And this was still the regular season.
• 2006 New England Patriots – Blew a 21-3 second quarter lead in the AFC Championship game to the Colts.
  • Why they deserved to be a top 10? Historically, this was the largest blown lead in an NFL Conference Championship game history and to a hated rival.
  • Why they didn’t make the top 10? Quite honestly, that Pats team wasn’t good enough to choke. They picked up their wide receivers from Goodwill before the season, they had a wide receiver logging significant time at defensive back and their “nails” kicker was kicking for the opponent.
• 2005 Indianapolis Colts – Lost to Pittsburgh in the in the divisional playoff round after a regular season that saw them flirt with perfection. They had destroyed the Steelers 6 weeks earlier.
  • Why they deserved to be a top 10? They peaked the “GAG Factor” scale – from Manning’s questionable decision making in the 4^th quarter to Nick Harper choosing to break inside on the Bettis fumble recovery and directly into Roethlisberger, instead of outside to the end zone. The biggest individual choke of this game – Vanderjagt – whose field goal would have missed the Pacific Ocean from 10 yards off the shore.
  • Why they didn’t make the top 10? In the end, there are better choke jobs. Historically, I think everyone knew a team coached by Tony Dungy and quarterbacked by Peyton Manning would find a way to lose.
• 2007 New York Mets – The Amazin’s held seven game lead on September 12^th, but floundered to a 5-12 finish that left them on the outside of the playoff picture. The “Gag Gang” was led by Tom Glavine, who in his last three starts failed to more than 5 innings and had an ERA of 13.50. The Mets bullpen blew four saves and recorded five losses in the final 17 games.
  • Why they deserved to be a top 10? This was almost an un-paralleled collapse; the 1964 Phillies had a similar lead and blew it. They lost seven games in the last two weeks to cellar dwellers Washington and Florida.
  • Why they didn’t make the top 10? The Mets lead was trimmed to 1.5 games with 12 games left in the season after they lost five straight. They certainly collapsed, but they finished 5-7 and lost out by one game, not the type of choke job that a non-Mets fan will remember.
• 1999 British Open/Jean Van de Velde – Held a three shot lead heading to the 72^nd hole at the British Open Championship and then *poof* Van de Velde turns into a 28 handicapper. After recording a triple-bogey seven, Van de Velde loses in a three way playoff.
  • Why he deserved to be a top 10? Blowing a three stroke lead on one hole is common place for “average Joe” golfers, but not for a professional. Van de Velde clearly tighten up and made three terrible decisions on that hole, thus causing even the Queen’s Gag-o-Meter to explode.
  • Why he didn’t make the top 10? He hadn’t done anything to that point or since. As was the case with the 2006 Patriots, he simply wasn’t good enough to choke. That he maintained the lead for so long was a moral victory.
• 2006 US Open/Phil Mickelson – Held a two shot lead as late as the 16^th hole on Sunday and a one shot lead heading to the finishing 72^nd hole. He was on the verge of winning his third consecutive major. Double bogeyed the hole and lost by a stroke.
  • Why he deserved to be a top 10? Professional golfers do not double bogey holes where they need par to win. Phil is not just a professional; he is a top 5 player in the world and arguably the greatest left handed player in history.
  • Why he didn’t make the top 10? This wasn’t a choke – it was pure stupidity. Phil had scrambled, with amazing success, all day after a series of errant tee shots with his driver. The smart play was to hit a more reliable 3-wood and play for the par. Instead, “Tin Cup”, er, “Lefty” decides to hit driver and finds trouble left. That was Stupid mistake #1. Stupid mistake #2, came on his second shot – instead of playing a safe lay-up shot to wedge range, he attempts to get on green. His shot finds a tree and caroms back to virtually the same place. His third shot finds a difficult green-side bunker. He cannot get up and down.
• 2008 Memphis Tigers – The Tigers held a nine point lead with less than two minutes left in the championship game, but they failed to close out and eventually lost the game in overtime.
  • Why they deserved to be a top 10? The “gag factor” – missed free throws, stupid fouls and not fouling on the last regulation possession.
  • Why they didn’t make the top 10? Kansas had to be perfect in that last 1:52 and they were. Memphis ran out of gas, which is a viable excuse for choking.
• 1992 Dan O’Brien – Considered the favorite to win the 1992 Gold in the decathlon, O’Brien failed to qualify for the US Olympic team. O’Brien failed to post a height in the pole vault, fouling three times. His mistake – he voluntarily passed on attempts at several lower heights. After decided the height was right, he cracked the bar three times and received a big fat zero, which cost him a spot on the team.
  • Why he deserved to be a top 10? He was a favorite to win the Gold and did not make the team. He had the recorded the highest score decathlon history.
  • Why he didn’t make the top 10? There is a big difference between choking and abject stupidity. I understand not wanting to waste energy, but why not post something to CYA?
• 1988 Die Hard/Hans Gruber – Clearly a genius, Gruber had an elaborate plan to steal bearer bonds from the Nakatomi building in late 1988. That plan was foiled by the heroism of John McLane, a guest at the Nakatomi Christmas party.
  • Why he deserved to be a top 10? One guy (albeit a New York City detective), versus a band of 12, including at least seven mercenaries – how do you screw that up? Gruber never had a plan for McLane and then failed to adjust when it was apparent that McLane was a serious threat.
  • Why he didn’t make the top 10? Gruber biggest mistake was tactical – failing to secure all exits on the thirtieth floor – so he gets a pass. And his character flip to “Bill Clay”, when met by McLane, was epic enough to keep him out of the top 10 by itself.
• 1980 USSR Olympic Hockey Team – Lost 4-3 to the USA in the semi-finals and failed to win a gold medal for the first time in five Olympic games. In a pre-Olympic exhibition against the US, the Soviets scored early and often in a 10-3 rout. One week later, they came up small against literally a bunch of punk kids.
  • Why they deserved to be a top 10? You get big points for disgracing an entire nation. An off the charts “gag factor”, including hastily pulling a legendary goalie for a less-talented, un-prepared one after a last second first period goal that as much the defensemen’s fault as the goalies. That is the equivalent of pulling an ace pitcher in the first inning with Eric Gagne after he gives up a home run that bounces over the fence off Jose Canseco’s head. When the Americans gained the lead at 4-3 with a little over 10 minutes to play in the final period, panic and despair set in on the Russians. Coupled that with several poor decisions by the USSR coach and you have possible the biggest single game choke in history.
  • Why they didn’t make the top 10? Are you kidding? Suggesting that the signature moment in United States Olympic history was anything other than American heart, is a life threatening desicision.

     

  Others considered: 1968 Baltimore Colts (SB III), 1983 Nebraska Cornhuskers (Orange Bowl), 1986 Miami Hurricanes (Fiesta Bowl), 1985 Miami Dolphins (AFC Championship), 1993-94 Seattle Supersonics (1^st Round of playoffs), 1997-98 Miami Heat (1^st round of playoffs), 1986 California Angels (AL Championship Series), 1996 Atlanta Braves (1996 World Series) and 2005-06 Dallas Mavericks (2006 NBA Finals).

On to the top 10:

10. 1986 Boston Red Sox

Resume: The in the World Series- blew a 2 games to 0 lead (both games were on the road) and 3 games to 2 World Series lead; blew a 2-run, 2-out, 2-strike, bases empty lead in the bottom of the 10^th inning in a clinching game; blew a 3-0 6^th inning lead in the deciding game.

Key Moment: Everyone will point the Buckner play, but I believe this game was decided long before the Buckner gaffe. Red Sox ace pitcher, Bill Clemens, asked (allegedly) out of game six after the 7^th with a blister, leaving the game in the hands of Calvin Schiraldi. The Red Sox were nursing a 3-2 lead at the time, which was quickly erased in the 8^th by the Mets setting the stage for the dramatic 10^th. In fairness to William he had thrown 134 pitches, although he had no long, labor intensive inning and this was back in the day where pitchers were not coddled as soon as they hit the 100 pitch mark. Regardless, I cannot imagine Jack Morris or Dave Stewart coming out of that game.

Final Word: The choke resume suggests they should be higher than #10, perhaps the top of the hill, but that would be selling the 108 win New York Mets short. In addition, the Red Sox were the benefactors of the Angels choke in the ALCS, so they were living on borrowed time as it was.

 

AWARD: The 1986 Boston Red Sox award for “top performer bailing on the team when needed the most”, in honor of Billy Clemens mysterious exit in the 7^th inning of the possible clinching World Series game.

 

This award will go to the team whose stud or studs find a way to abandon a fantasy team in its time of most need.

 

9. 1992 Houston Oilers

    

Resume: Blew leads 28-3 (halftime) and 35-3 (third quarter) to Buffalo in the AFC divisional playoffs. The Bills had a prolific offense capable of coming back with Jim Kelly at the helm, check that Kelly was out for this game and Frank Reich was engineering the comeback. Yes, the Oilers blew a 32-point lead with 28 minutes to play to a backup quarterback.

Add the right mix of previous playoff failures, a coach (Jack “the” Pardee “is over”) who picture is used as the universal symbol for choking and the psyche of entire city (an Oiler fan told me after that game “I just went to sleep and did not wake up until the next afternoon”, yikes!) on the shoulders of a team and you have the recipe for a monumental choke.

Key Moment: The key moment where everyone thought a comeback was possible, and Houston knew it would happen, happened after the Bills made it 35-10. The Bills kicker, Steve Christie, recovered his onside kick. The Bills marched down and made the score 35-17 in a blip of time. From that point on Pardee coached and the Oilers played not to lose.

 

Final Word: This is all about the “gag factor”. The Oilers choke was enormous and they would be ranked much higher if not for the following: the game was just a divisional playoff game and in the grand scheme of everyone expected the Oilers to give it away.

 

AWARD: The 1992 Houston Oilers award for “I cannot believe Frank &%#$ing Reich engineered the greatest comeback in history to beat us”, in honor of the Frank Reich and his 28 minutes of fame.

 

This award will go to the team who plays against an unbelievable fantasy game and comes from nowhere and costs the team a key game.

 

8.1990-91 UNLV Running Rebels

Resume: The last team to be undefeated entering the final four, the buzz wasn’t about whether they would win the title but rather where they ranked historically; won all but two games by double digits; and seemed destined to complete the first un-blemished season since 1976 (Indiana). The Rebels lost to Duke in the National Semi-Final, a team they dispatched without breaking a sweat in the previous year’s championship game by 30 points.

Key Moment: Greg Anthony fouled out, for first time all season, late in the second half with the Rebels up 76-71. Without their floor general, the Rebels offense muddled disjointedly through the remainder of the game and they did not pick up the intensity on the defensive end. Duke rallied to take a 79-77 lead with 12 seconds remaining. When Larry Johnson’s off balance three pointer clanked hard off the back rim, UNLV had completed one of the biggest choke jobs in college basketball history.

    

Final Word: UNLV was un-accustomed to playing close games and it showed as the wheels came off at the end. Add to that the pressure of the undefeated season and Rebels spit the bit on this one.

AWARD: The 1990-91 UNLV Running Rebels award for “Whoops, we forgot about formulating a plan B!”

This award will go to the team that pins its hopes on a player or players without a contingency plan.

7.2003 Chicago Cubs

Resume: The 2003 Cubs seemed to have destiny on their side in an attempt to break a 95 year championship drought. They had won their division for the first time in fourteen years and won a playoff series for the first time since 1945. Unfortunately, “destiny” turned Jack Torrance evil on the Cubbies.

The Cubs held a 3-1 NL Championship Series lead over the Marlins; they blew games six and seven at home; they had Mark Prior and Kerry Wood lined up, on full rest, to pitch games six and seven; they were 5 outs away, with a 3-run lead, away from clinching the pennant in game six; they held a 5-3 5^th inning lead in game seven.

The Cubs pitching was lined up with Zambrano, Prior and Wood going in games five, six and seven. Prior and Wood were un-beaten and virtually un-hittable in the post-season. After getting shut down by post-season hero Josh Beckett in game five the Cubs returned to Wrigley poised to capture the NL pennant and march to the World Series. Game 6, Prior pitched a gem leading 3-0 with one out in the 8^th when disaster struck. When the carnage of the top of the 8^th was over the eight Marlins has crossed the plate. The Marlins pitchers retired six consecutive Cubs to close out the game and force a deciding game seven.

Key Moment: Everyone points to the “Bartman incident” as the reason the Cubs failed to close out game six. That is a grossly improper assignment of blame – as the reason the Cubs failed to close that game should rest squarely on the shoulders of Alex Gonzalez. Gonzalez should have received double the wrath of Bartman, yet somehow his error of a routine double play ball has been eternally lost in the minds of Cubs fans. The fact is the Bartman play was a low percentage play at best, whereas the Gonzalez play is made 99% of the time by little league shortstops.

 

Final Word: The Cubbies are notorious chokers and in 2003, despite their best efforts to put to rest that moniker, they found a way to gag away a likely World Series title (the Marlins destroyed the Yankees).

AWARD: The 2003 Chicago Cubs award for “Everyone blames Bartman when the real villain is Alex Gonzalez” in honor of the taylor-made double play ball that was muffed by Gonzalez.

 

This award will go to the team that has misplaced anger towards a player based on an individual game when another player tanked an entire season.

6.2006 US Open Colin Montgomerie

Resume: Anytime you are known as “the best player never to win a major”, your resume is full of choke jobs. For “Monty” none was worse than the implosion at the 2006 US Open. This “gag” job occurred on the 18^th hole and involved five shots. Monty’s drive on 18^th found the middle of the fairway and was a mere 172 yards away from the flag. Most, if not all, single digit handicappers would easily make par from that position. A par for Monty would have locked up his first major championship. Of course Monty gagged hard – he hit a poor approach shot leaving him left and in thick rough. Still with a chance for par, Monty chipped 30 feet past the hole. His par putt came up well short as a tournament official screamed “does any in the gallery know the Heimlich?”. Monty then missed his bogey putt that would have earned him a playoff.

Key Moment: Monty changed clubs for his approach shot on the 18^th. His shot came up short and the rest is history.

 

Final Word: Monty played an excellent 71 holes putting himself in position to win however the implosion on the 18^th earns him this position. He truly separated himself in “single hole” choke jobs of all-time.

AWARD: The 2006 US Open Colin Montgomerie award for “worst second guess decision of the year” in honor of the Monty’s club change on the 18^th fairway.

This award will go to the team that experiences the most costly individual player start or non-start of the year.

5.2007 New England Patriots

Resume: Lost the Super Bowl after winning 18 consecutive games; amassed nearly 20 points average margin of victory during the regular season; beaten by the Giants, a team they beat rather easily just five weeks earlier.

Key Moment: In the regular season – the Patriots insistence on going for the undefeated season after locking up division and home field; though they never acknowledged it publically they wanted the undefeated season. Had they lost a regular season game, I have little doubt they easily win the Super Bowl. However, they faced the mountain of additional pressure due to the undefeated season that in the end I believe it got the best of them.

 

In the Super Bowl – the Giants burned 9:59 on the opening drive of the game and while that possession netted only a field goal, it rattled the Pats and gave the Giants a load of confidence.

 

Final Word: The Patriots rolled arrogantly through the season, running up the score in nearly every game and playing every game as if it were the Super Bowl. It finally caught up with them in the Super Bowl, where the pressure of the undefeated season weighed heavily on them forcing them into un-characteristic (“choke”) play. Had they completly gagged away the game, this would have ranked in the top two. But the Patriots drove the length of the field late in the game to regain the lead and the Giants needed the “grab in Glendale” (Tyree’s amazing helmet catch).

AWARD: The 2007 New England Patriots award for “biggest letdown in the post-season after a flawless (or near flawless) regular season”.

This award will go to the team that rolls through the regular season but fails to close the deal in the post-season.

4.1998 Minnesota Vikings

Resume: Lost the NFC championship game to the Atlanta Falcons after finishing the regular season with just one loss; failed to make several plays in the NFC championship that they had made all year – for example, Moss dropped a long pass in overtime and Gary Anderson missed a game sealing field goal (38 yards) after making every field goal attempt in the regular season; blew a 20-7 halftime lead; allowed the Falcons to drive length of the field a touchdown to tie the game; three and out in overtime that gave the Falcons a chance.

Key Moment: Dennis Green opting to down the ball after the Falcons tied the game and play for overtime. The Vikings had one of the most explosive offenses in NFL history and they had the “when in doubt throw the bomb to Randy” play.

 

Final Word: This was the arguably the biggest choke in NFL history. The Vikings came into the game as a double digit favorite and held a lead throughout most of the game, both signs of thick piece of a porterhouse lodged in their throat.

AWARD: The 1998 Minnesota Vikings award for “poorest coaching decision of the year” in honor of Dennis Green choosing to down the ball late in the fourth.

This award will go to the team that makes a poor decision on a trade or draft pick.

3.2005-2006 Dallas Mavericks

Resume: Lost NBA finals to the huge underdog Miami Heat; blew a 2-0 series lead; blew a double digit lead in two of the four Finals losses including a 13 point lead with six minutes to play in game 3; only third team in NBA finals history to blow a 2-0 series lead.

Key Moment: The city of Dallas planning the championship parade after the first two games. It is one thing to privately plan a parade, but you never let it go public.

 

Final Word: This had every element of choking and if not for the strength of the top two this would have been sitting at the top. The 2005-06 Mavs really separated themselves as premiere chokers by losing to effectively a one man team (Dwyane Wade).

AWARD: The 2005-06 Dallas Mavericks award for “looking ahead to a result that never happens” in honor of the city of Dallas planning a championship parade after game two.

This award will go to the team that gets upset by a lesser team with a showdown looming on the horizon.

2.1996 Masters Greg Norman

Resume: Ranked #1 in the world and held a six shot lead after 54 holes and lost by 5 shots after a final round 78 (6 over par); poor play started at the first hole and continued throughout the round; first golfer in the history of golf to blow a lead of 6 shots or more in a major tournament.

Key Moment: The final round not getting rained out!

 

Why Norman is #2? – This choke took over fours and was not about one or two holes, this was an entire day of throat grabbing choking. In addition, Norman had played so well for 54 holes, everything pointed towards Norman slipping on the coveted green jacket.

After opening with a bogey on hole #1, Norman never looked comfortable. Norman shot a 2-over 38 on the front, but still maintained a two shot lead. On the 10^th Norman blew a chip 8 feet past the hole and missed the putt. Leading by a single stroke, the 11^th hole seemed to provide some return normalcy as Norman hit two perfect shots to leave a 10-foot putt for a tide turning birdie. True gag jobs always involve some bad luck, Norman’s putt on 11 lipped out. He then narrowly missed his three foot par putt and walked off the green in a tied for the lead.

The 12^th hole is effectively where Norman completed his historic choke – his tee shot found the water and four shots later Norman headed to the 13^th down two shots.

As if they were witnessing a famous celebrity being arrested and the surest sign of the catastrophic choke – no one wanted to make eye contact with Norman as he walked past on the 18^th hole.

The first division in the Banner Fantasy league will be named “NORMAN” in honor of Greg Norman’s surreal choke at the 1996 Masters.

1.2004 New York Yankees

Resume: First team in major sports history to blow 3-0 series lead.

Key Moment: Dave Roberts steal of second in the bottom of the 9^th in game 4 has to rank high, but when I really started to believe this choke was possibly was in game 5 when Tim Wakefield pitched 3 scoreless relief innings to get the win. That the Yankees couldn’t muster a run in three innings against a knuckle-baller without his normal catcher was unfathomably.

 

Why are the Yankees #1? – This is the MOAC (Mother Of All Chokes) that may be duplicated but never surpassed. Throw in the fact that it was to their hated rivals and a team, as the malapropistic Yogi Berra once told Bernie Williams – “don’t worry we’ve been beating these guys for 90 years”, that they absolutely owned.

The Yankees historical perception had been altered as a result of this choke. While they are still the “greatest franchise in the history of sports”, the internet age has reduced fans attention spans so much that few people care about anything outside their personal memories. In the mid to late 90s the Yankees had a heir of invincibility about them, now no team fears them and even Yankee fans question their beloved nine.

What else can be stated about this mammoth choke? Let’s look at the numbers – Yankee hitters in games 1-3 racked up 32 runs, in games 4-7 they could muster only 13 runs (and two of those came when game 7 was already ovah).

How about the Yankees top four hitters (Jeter, A-Rod, Sheffield and Matsui) in each game:

Game 1 – Game 4 (1-9 innings) – 30-71 (.423), 28 runs, 20 RBI

Game 4 (10 inning +) – Game 7 – 8-54 (.148), 1 run, 5 RBI

The top four stopped hitting or found it much more difficult hit when the chips were on line. And let’s not let Mariano Rivera off the hook – he blew saves in both games 4 and 5. The starting pitching was less than stellar – see Kevin Brown and Javier Vasquez.

Last but certainly not least where was Joe Torre and his “calming” influence? The greatest manager of all-time couldn’t muster one win out of those four games?

Yankees chose not to go the extra distance for their fans in New York. Life will go on, but this time the grapes are quite sour.”

The second division in the Banner Fantasy league will be named “YANKEE” in honor of the New York Yankees universal choke in the 2004 ALCS.

2007 Banner Fantasy League Division Names

I modified the division names to honor (or dishonor) three of the worst head coaches in the history of the NFL. I used the following criteria:  

1. Overall bad record, with extra weight on total number of games  
   
2. Consistent losing seasons  
   
3. Number of opportunities to be a head coach  
   
4. Tradition of the team coaching
   

 

After careful consideration here are the new divisions and a short blurb about why they made the cut: 

 

North is now called the “Joe Bugel” division. 

Why Joe Bugel? Joe’s overall coaching record is 24-56 (a lofty .700 losing percentage). He had two head coaching stints – one with Arizona and the one with the Raiders. He came from the lineage of Joe Gibbs, the coach of the Redskin offensive line “Hogs”.  

The great thing about Buges is that he always seemed to have the team headed in the right direction, but would fail when the chips were on the line. In 1990 he managed to lose his last 3 three games that would have gotten the Cardinals to 8-8. In 1991 he started out a respectable 2-0, 3-2 and 4-4. The local radio shows were playing the equivalent of the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle song every 10 minutes. Super Joe finished 0-8 that year.  

 

Remarkably that 0-8 finish was enough to get him back for another season. In 1992 he started 0-3 (for those counting at home – 11 straight losses) and 1-6. He won two games in the middle of the year and then finished very un-Lombardi like 1-6 to end up with his second straight 4-12 season.  

 

Cards management agreed that the 1-6 finish was enough to see one more year out of Bugel. He started the 1992 season 2-6, but finished strong at 5-3, to win a career high 7 games. The Cardinals inexplicably fired Bugel after this year.  

 Amazingly enough the Raiders thought enough of this crafty, “tell it like it is” players coach to give him another shot in 1997.  

That season can best be remembered for the Monday night game in week 2 against the Chiefs. The 0-1 Raiders were coming off a tough, hard fought loss to the Oilers in week 1 (no shame in that) and were leading KC by 6 with less than a minute to play. On 4^th and a mile from the Oakland 35, Elvis Grab found Andre Rison in the end zone for the game winner. The camera shot of Bugel after the play was priceless. He looked at a man who after being constipated for two weeks, finally gets some relief but horrifyingly looks over and spots an empty toilet paper spool. Amateur lip readers had no problem making out the words Bugel spoke – “That was f—ing horrible”. 

 The Raiders limped to a 4-12 and unlike the Cardinals the Raiders saw the light and fired Bugel after one season.  

 Bugel today is right where he should be coaching the offensive line in Washington.

 The Central is now known as the “Marion Campbell” division

Marion Campbell’s career record as a head coach in the NFL is 34-80-1, for a losing percentage of .700. Nobody in NFL history has coached more games and had a higher losing percentage. With that on his resume, he is a no-brainer inclusion.  

His head coaching career started in 1974 with the Atlanta Falcons, he was given the interim job when the Falcons fired Norm Van Brocklin after a 2-6 start. The Falcons saw enough in Campbell ’s 1-5 finish to know he was their guy. 

 Sure enough Campbell did improve the next year – to 4-10. At that pace the Falcons were headed for the playoffs in say, 7 years. That was enough to get him a third year, which was cut short by a 1-4 start. 

Seven years later the Eagles decided that a more mature Campbell was the right fit to take over for a burned out Dick Vermeil. A team that was coming off a Super Bowl appearance just three years before, Campbell continued his tradition of perpetual losing, amassing an overall record of 17-29-1 with the Eagles.  

 After a disappointing 7-8-1 season in 1986, the Falcons fired their head coach and re-hired Campbell to lead them to the Promised Land. A team on the cusp of greatness needed a great leader like Campbell . Campbell managed 11 wins in three seasons and set the Falcons back an additional year.  

Before his arrival the Falcons were on the verge of post-season and the two years after his departure they were in the playoffs. That is true coaching failure, but that futility is good enough to get a Fantasy Football division named after him. 

Unfortunately for him a fourth team could not see the genius in his coaching to give him another crack.  

The South is now known as the “Dave Campo” division 

Dave Campo made the final cut despite having only one coaching stint and a relatively small amount of games coached. His biggest attribute is his consistency and the fact that he coached a proud Dallas franchise into the ground.  

The Cowboys had not known such paltry results since the early years of their franchise in the 60s. Campo compiled a 15-33 record in his three full years in Dallas (a losing percentage of .688). Remarkably, he finished 5-11 each year.  

 The year preceding his arrival the Cowboys finished a respectable 8-8 and the year after his departure the Cowboys returned to respectability at 10-6. In fairness to Campo, his tenure came at the end of the road for the triplets and the Cowboys mired in “salary cap hell”. Nonetheless, Campo had talent and never got that talent to perform up to snuff on game day. 

Some of his career highlights include the highest losing percentage in the history of the Cowboys and losing to the expansion Houston Texans in first ever game. Campo’s claim to fame is his innate ability to butcher seemingly obvious game day decisions. For example, he wasn’t much of a mathematician, he refused to go for two late in games when trailing by ten and he thought adding a field goal when up three was icing a game.  

 

Others Considered: 

• Mike Martz – managed to take a young, talented Super Bowl champion team to only one Super Bowl in four years. Possibly only Campo was a worse game manager, game day decisions maker. He did go to a Super Bowl and the playoffs 3 of his 5 years.  
  
• Frank Kush – ASU legendary coach found it difficult to control a pro team when he could not administer mental and physical beatings. 11-28-1 a worse percentage than our three winners, er, losers. However, he was given only one shot and it was with a team that did not improve after he left or was any better before he got there.  
  
• Marty Mornhinweg/Chris Palmer – these two have identical 5-27 (an amazing 844 losing percentage) career records. Each coached two seasons and were shown the door. Both guys are on the bubble for inclusion if an NFL team were to give them another shot. 
  
• Bruce Coslet – bad coach, with a bad record (47-77 .621 LP) and a couple of opportunities. He was left out because his losing percentage is considerably lower and he actually had a 7-2 after taking over the Bengals in 1996. He also made the playoffs one year (of course he lost the playoff game) and had two .500 seasons with the Jets (which is like having a 12-4 season with a real franchise)  
  
• Dan Henning – 38-73-1 .656 losing percentage. If we had a 4^th division this is the guy. Two stints never had a winning record and never made the playoffs. Campbell beats him out because they essentially had the same team and Henning managed 7 wins while Campbell could muster only 3.