What better way to celebrate Wildcard weekend than with a running log for opening day of the 2011 playoffs. We are here live from Buffalo Wild Wings. Bring on the hot wings and hopefully some interesting games! To recap, yours truly has the Saints -10 and the Jets +2.5.
The early Saturday game always seems anticlimactic for the loser, like did you really make the playoffs? It’s over before it began, such as life for the Seahawks!
I have a few sweet over/under plays for this game:
Number of screen passes by the Saints – 24.5. Give me the “over”, since I know Sean Payton is the screen master, in fact you can attend a week long “How Screen your way to Success” convention that features Sean Payton as the keynote speaker.
Time elapsed before Matty “IceBag” Hasselbeck pulls up with an “old man” injury, like a pulled glute or quad, 21 minutes. So that’s second quarter with 9 minutes left. Give me the under, I say it happens on the first possession, actually on the first snap when he turns too quickly to hand off.
Number of times NBC shows the “12th Man” flag – 4.5. Since I took the Saints to win easily, my guess is the “12th Man” will collectively be passed out drunk by halftime.
And word has it that Guinness is on hand for a potential record. They are measuring the number of chews of gum per minute by Pete Carroll, the current record is 189, but Carroll has been “clocked” at over 250.
On to the log:
2:36 PM – Saints get the ball first hopefully the first three series of this game go something like (in terms of plays-yards) 6-75, 3-2, 5-70. That should put the Saints up 14-0 en route to a 41-10 romp.
2:38 PM – Well, the first three plays look a lot like West Dillon Lions in their first game – BING, BING, BING and the Saints are at the Lions, ah, Seahawks 20 – any chance Pete Carroll comes out at halftime to forfeit the game?
2:40 PM – Coming soon to a theater near you, REGGIE BUSH in the COVER-KILLAH!! Nice drop Reggie. I miss Pierre, plus without him, we miss the full day of “Nice Job, Pierre” (from the old Miller High Life commercial). 3-0 Saints, 10 point spreads don’t get covered with field goals, fellas!
2:45 PM – Three plays and, literally, out for the Seahawks – with the third play an interception by Jabari Greer – right about now NBC is trying to figure out creative ways to keep this game interesting. Saints need to drive 35 yards to tie the “game within the game” (the spread)
2:47 PM – Reggie Bush atones with a powerful burst for a first down, he was moving like he was being chased by the NCAA recruiting police.
2:51 PM – Wow, huge pass interference call against the Seahawks to keep the Saints from another FG. You figure if the Seahawks come out of this possession only down 6-0, they will start to feel like they can compete, which is very bad news for a Saints cover.
2:53 PM – Scratch that last part as the Saints use 8 plays to go 30 yards for the touchdown – 10-0 Saints, looks like Pete Carroll forgot to close the barn door. Sometimes the odds-makers take it in the caboose like the rest of us.
2:57 PM – What is with the Saints pooch kicking the ball? So, the Seahawks have now started at their own 37 and 43, respectively. So, why not just kick the ball out of bounds? You’re that scared of Leon Washington? Leon Washington? Just play football, Sean Payton! You have the better team; you don’t need to get cute.
3:01 PM – My prediction as of the game status right now – no cover for the Saints, the Seahawks are moving the ball too well on this possession, which means that unless they implode on defense they should be within garbage TD of covering the spread the entire game. And based on what I am seeing from the Saints defense there is no way I trust them to keep Seattle from scoring if they’re up, say 16 points or so.
3:04 PM – That might have been the best defensive series of the season for the Saints – NOT! I think the Seahawks scout defense would have been tougher than the Saints right there. 10-7 Saints. Is there a more over-rated defensive coordinator than Greg Williams? The alleged master of blitz schemes – whatever! And he was a terrible head coach as well, plus he looks like that heel of human, Jon Voigt.
3:06 PM – You really have to question whether or not Sean Payton has the Saints ready to play today. They don’t look motivated to continue their season. I get it that you cannot yell and scream at NFL players to motivate them, but wouldn’t an adequate pre-game motivational speech in this situation be something like this – “Listen, gentlemen, we’re on the cusp of doing something that only six teams in this league have been able to do. Win back-to-back Super Bowls! If I mention the New England Patriots, you immediately think about multiple rings, right? But if I mention the St. Louis Rams, Tampa Bay Buccaneers or the Baltimore Ravens, you first question whether they’ve even won a Super Bowl. Now the difference between the Patriots and the Rams is the Patriots never took anything for granted, they were able to focus in games where they were the prohibitive favorite. Now my question for you is simple, do you want to be the forgettable Rams or a dynasty like the Patriots? Show me today, right here and right now in this place that you want to be the PATRIOTS!” If Payton gives that type of speech, the Saints are up 21-0 right now. Of course, coming up with that speech, would require Payton to give up time developing screen passes.
3:15 PM – We just got into a nice discussion, while the Saints are methodically moving down the field to hopefully score a touchdown, about the potential apocalypse of professional sports. My buddy, Rubi, told us that the Phoenix Suns player representative is telling the players to expect to go the entire next season without a pay-check. Throw in the NFL’s labor unrest and who would have thunk that MLB would be looking like the only league that cares about the fans.
3:18 PM – Huge 3rd and 4 from the Seahawk 4 for the Saints; at least in terms of covering the spread, I still have no doubt the Saints will win this game. We have a Julius Jones sighting, which is rarer than a UFO sighting. 17-7 Saints.
3:19 PM – We’re on the verge of the apocalypse of Wildcard Weekend at BWW, the talked has turned from sports to music, with my buddy talking about the time he went to the Joe Jackson concert. My first thought was – is that what Joe Jackson did after he was kicked out of baseball? Wait, he wouldn’t be old enough to have seen that Joe Jackson in concert. Then, I thought, hmm, the Boz Scaggs comeback tour concert must have been sold out.
3:21 PM – The Saints finally send a kickoff deep, which they cover like they were getting paid, albeit minimum wage, to play this game. The Seahawks start from their own 30. Ok, enough jacking around, Nawlens, let’s take this game over, right now.
3:24 PM – Wow, the Saints defense is brutal – 12 yards, 6 yards and pass interference that sets the Seahawks up in Saints territory.
3:28 PM – Touchdown, Seahawks, on maybe the worst looking pass every thrown. It looked more like a punt, but the Seahawk receiver was wide open after the Saints safety, Roman Harper, got lost trying to cover him. That was so bad that Harper would be the target of any Sunday morning pick-up between a bunch of 40+ guys trying to relive their high school glory. I can picture it now, “OK, guys listen – whomever Harper is on, just run an out and up every time – it’s like gold, ready, break!” Oh, the receiver, a tight end no less, stepped out of bounds. The Saints have to force a field goal right here.
3:31 PM – Touchdown, Seahawks on the “tight end belly flop, then get up and be wide open for a touchdown play.” That play was awesome when Mark Bavaro first did it, back in 1989! I didn’t realize it was still around considering it hasn’t worked since 1989, but I guess with Roman Harper all things are possible.
3:36 PM – Three and out for the Saints. And the punter just got creamed, no call as the Seahawk player was blocked into him. Saints lead will expire in TMinus-3 minutes!
3:38 PM – Maybe, just maybe the Saints are getting a grip – the Seahawks go three and out.
3:40 PM – Unbelievable, Roman Harper (Julius Jones) just fumbled the ball back to the Seahawks. Ok, it wasn’t Harper, but I fell I am going to blame everything on him.
3:41 PM – Five minutes! That is the answer to the question, “How long before the Saints lose the lead?” At least the Saints bowed their neck and held them to a field goal.
3:45 PM – Remember 52 minutes when it looked like the Saints were going to run away with this game. That was fun! Now I just broke the news to the table that the Saints are not covering this game. My buddy told me, “This game is going to be a blowout!” I told him, “I think the Saints can keep it close!”
3:46 PM – Any chance Sean Payton gets fired if the Saints lose this game? Or is that just an irrational, over-reaction by a disgruntled bettor?
3:49 PM – I have mentioned how over-rated Greg Williams is as a defensive coordinator
3:55 PM – Two minutes to play, Seattle is at the 50. Can the Saints hang on to a tie at the half?
3:58 PM – Coming soon to a New Orleans area Super Market – Roman Harper bagging groceries. Question – would the Manager of a Supermarket in New Orleans hire Roman Harper? Hmm, I doubt it. Actually, I am surprised that Harper has dropped with a piercing pain in his right quad. It be because it takes longer than a half to construct a doll-sized, likeness of Harper.
4:02 PM – I am looking forward to the Seahawks representing the NFC in the Super Bowl.
4:05 PM – Some young kid is going to attempt the “Blazin’ Challenge” (Eat a dozen wings with Wild Wings signature “Blazin” sauce, in 6 minutes, without wiping your face or drinking anything), which is way more interesting than this game. Someone asks, “What’s he get?” The waitress tells us “A t-shirt”, that and a complementary bottle of Imodium A-D. Good luck, Pal. Wow, the kid threw down the dozen in about two minutes. The real blazin’ challenge should be on the other end, when it comes out; to truly accomplish the feat you should have to agree not to use toilet paper after your next few BM’s.
4:10 PM – Oh, yea, it is halftime Saints trailing 24-20. The halftime table talk is about the second half line. We agree that it should be Saints -7.5, meaning the Saints would have to win by 4 to cover the second half number. Those tricky odds-makers post the number at 7, meaning that a bettor feels much more comfortable betting the Saints knowing they only have to win by three points. Hmm, maybe the bookies aren’t really scared of the Saints winning this game, though I am still convinced the Saints win this game.
4:18 PM – Time for a lunch break. The great thing about heading out to watch a full day of football is planning the meals, since you’re likely to grab at least two meals. I decide on a wrap now, then wings later.
4:31 PM – I just puked up my wrap, as I watched Darren Sharper get beat on another Seahawk touchdown. I guess Sharper felt bad for Roman Harper, so he figured he would show some mercy by giving up a touchdown as well. My question for Greg Williams – how did your safeties continually allow the Seahawk wide receivers to get behind them? Think about that for a minute – getting beat on the outside or side-to-side happens when the quarterback fakes one way or the safety is too laterally slow, but how does a safety get into a “chase” position? Poor technique, that’s how! Just terrible, terrible play by the Saints. For those scoring at home the Seahawks are now up 31-20.
4:35 PM – For the Saints to entertain any thoughts of winning this game the offense has to go into “perfect” mode meaning they have to end every drive with points from this point forward.
4:40 PM – So much for that – Saints punt! For the first time today, I am thinking the Saints might not win this game. I know, I know, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed.
4:46 PM – Brutal drop by the Seahawks receiver O-BEE-MAN-KAN-NOBU, but the Seahawks manage to get into field goal range and they convert – where is the Olindo Mare who misses 34 yard field goals? 34-20 Seahawks
4:53 PM – 4th and an inch for the Saints – this is, literally, the whole season right here. And the Saints do exactly what I would do on 4th and inches run a deep handoff, you know, because a deep handoff allows the defense to get some penetration and that in turn allows, hey, wait a minute what a stupid &*@^%$~ play call!
4:58 PM – Another drop by the Seahawks forces them to punt; so the Hawks could have put this game out of reach, but they keep forgetting to kill the bad guy.
5:10 PM – Uh no, a personal foul on the Seahawks sets the Saints up deep in Seattle territory. That might this games equivalent to the horrible holding call against the Seahawks in the Super Bowl – aka the point where the game turned.
5:11 PM – Yep, the Saints score and all of a sudden it’s just a 7 point lead. Smart money right now is on the Saints winning this in overtime. Plus, we get the added bonus of seeing the first game of the playoffs with the new overtime rules that were implemented just for the playoffs. I love the “make the rules up as we go” with a professional sports league. That would be like the NBA adopting a four point play just for the playoffs or MLB declaring that one player can re-enter a game at anytime. 34-27 Hawks.
5:16 PM – I went to the can and missed the Seahawks possession. Three plays that burned 3100 milliseconds off the clock. Keep it up Seattle and the Saints are likely to cover the 10 points. I mean really keep it up!
5:20 PM – Peter Carroll is gripping hard on the sideline – as the Saints only need a play to get into the RedZone! It’s safe to assume that a touchdown here and the Seahawks are done.
5:25 PM – So, I’m obviously not a coach, but I love playing one and truly believe that I could be a better job than at least half of the “32″ – but when you call a quick, outside screen pass to a wide receiver you have to have a receiver that is willing to go “Anquan Boldin” on the defense, right? Or at a minimum at least go “Wes Welker” on them. Is there any way Welker or Boldin do not at least get the three yards for a first down in that same spot. And somehow, someway that has to be communicated to the receiver like – “Listen, if we call this play on the goalline, no juking, dancing or stutter stepping, just tuck your head and get the eff up the field.” Well, Devery Henderson, who is the last guy on the Saints I would throw that type of pass, either didn’t get the message or didn’t retain the message. Either of which falls on the coach – nice job, Payton! Now the Saints are in a do or die 4th down and 2.
5:28 PM – Really, Payton, really? Sean decides to settle for a field goal, down 7, so the Saints still need a touchdown – that is a horrible decision on every continent, in every universe. Why? It’s so simple. We have an infallible way to test whether a decision is a good or not – ask a fan of the opposing team what they think? Hey, Seahawk fan, would you rather the Saints go for the touchdown or kick a FG? Answer – “I am happy they still have the lead!”
It’s a simple, it’s about emotion – and the Seahawks are about out of their supply, especially if the game gets tied the game here. The Seahawks have had an atrocious seven minutes, where they have gone from “we are definitely winning” to “why isn’t the clock moving”, if they esacpe that nightmare with a lead, it recharge’s their batteries.
Any human being with an average amount of competitiveness will tell you the same thing – it’s not about the smart play or the play that will get you less roasted in the media, it’s about reading the situation – you had to tie the game there, period!
5:32 PM – Did I mention what a dumb move it was to kick the field goal from the three yard line? The Seahawks convert another third down, enabling them to burn more clock!
5:35 PM – If the Saints give up this 3&17, I will chug a 24 ounce glass of Blazin’ sauce! My intestines thank you for making the stop Saints – the Saints get the ball back with a chance to win the game.
5:37 PM – The Saints special teams have sucked about as bad as Roman Harper is this game. A penalty moves the ball back to the 5 yard line – the Saints have 5 minutes and 95 yards to avoid the most embarrassing loss in the history of sports. Check that, the second most embarrassing loss in history, the 2004 Yankees cannot be topped.
5:41 PM – And the hits keep on coming – the Saints burn their second timeout with the clock stopped. Great job, Payton! I get it it’s a bad day at the office – but imagine if a heart surgeon had an equally bad day, any chance the patient is alive?
5:43 PM – Its punt time, so one timeout and the 2 minute warning meaning the Seahawks need two first downs to close out the pretending Super Bowl champs.
5:45 PM – “Got off of me, Bitch!” Yikes, Marshawn Lynch just ran through the entire Saints defense for a 67-yard EFF YOU touchdown. The best part was the Ike Turner-esque throw-down of Tracy (aptly named) Porter. So, Mr. Super Bowl Hero is now Mr. I got my ass kicked by Marshawn Lynch. Oh and guess who missed the final tackle, yep, Roman Harper!
5:49 PM – If Greg Williams was a soldier and put up an equivalent effort, he would be beaten with socks that contained bars of soap. Hey, that’s not a bad idea – let’s get him!
5:52 PM – Garbage touchdown for the Saints – Devery Henderson, who shows up now!
5:53 PM – The Saints two point conversion failed as they try to run some guy named Wynn up the middle, Wynn, maybe they should have tried a guy named Loss, or Choke or CrapTheBed.
5:55 PM – Saints on-side kick coming up – what a surprise. And how fitting that it is the worst on-side kick in the history of on-side kicks. Ball game! Saints lose!
6:15 PM – Second game starting soon here are some interesting Over/Unders:
Number of times Rex Ryan gets caught on camera turned toward the training table watching a player, without his sock, getting his ankle taped: 2.5 – Easy money on the over.
Number of times Jim Caldwell is shown on TV that results to a 9-1-1 call reporting a dead guy on TV. 4.5 times
6:17 PM – The Colts get the ball first, if my recent trend of picking losers continues then I expect the Colts to drive 80 yards for a touchdown.
6:19 PM – Three and out for the Colts when they cannot convert after having a 2&1.
6:21 PM – Oh, wow, Jim Caldwell just issued the worst challenge in the history of challenges. I half expected the ref to come back with “After review the play stands as called. Further, because of the reckless use of the challenge, the blatant disregard for NFL resources the Colts will, from this point forward, until further notice be unable to challenge any play, at any time.” Sadly, that would have garnered a standing ovation from the Colts faithful.
6:30 PM – The under is looking like a lock, after the Jets go 5 and out and the Colts fail, again, to convert a 3rd and 1.
6:35 PM – I’ve been on shopping trips with five women (get your mind out of the gutter, family members, man!) that were more exciting than this game. I wish I would’ve bet “OVER” on the number of “3 and outs” in this game. Geesh!
6:42 PM – The Jets have been the better offensive team so far, but they nothing to show for it on the scoreboard.
6:48 PM – After three consecutive “3 and outs”, the Colts have a first down, with 2:19 left in the first quarter. If the remaining three quarters are this bad, I might have to opt for a kick in the balls in lieu of watching the rest of the game. Both are equally painful, but I can recover from the blow to the nuts much faster.
7:00 PM – Unbelievable, some douche bag just beat a guy holding A-A, with an off-suit 7-9, when he flops a straight. Talk about a kick to the nutsack! The Jets/Colts are still 0-0, with 11:00 Minutes left in the second.
7:02 PM – “Kid Drop” just made a great catch. A couple more catches like that will force me to revert to calling him by his given name, Braylon. Plus, we have a new “drop” leader in Dwayne Bowe, who had more drops than ATT wireless this year. Actually, I need a nickname for Bowe that is similar to “Kid Drop”, which worked because Edwards played for the Browns (Cleveland home of the Rock ‘n Roll HOF) and played college in Michigan (“Kid Rock” is from Michigan). Think, man, think – something to do with Kansas City or Louisiana.
7:05 PM – In a game where field position is critical, the Jets just blew a golden opportunity to down the ball on the one. The punter should turn the tables and towel whip that idiot for not downing it on the one.
7:09 PM – I get the feeling the dam is about to break. The Jets have owned the game thus far, but with one play the Colts can seize momentum. Just like that – Garcon blows by the Jets secondary to catch a 60 yard touchdown. 7-0 Colts. Interestingly, that brought no cheering from anyone in the bar. I think everyone is asleep or too busy playing trivia.
7:25 PM – The Jets are attempting to answer with a nice little drive of their own before halftime. UGH! Sanchez with a very “Sunday morning pickup game between a bunch of 40 year old guys reliving their glory days”-esque pass that is picked off. 7-0 Colts at halftime.
7:35 PM – I guess I could attempt to go 0-11 as some sort of reverse Holy Grail. In the middle of my second meal of the day, I came up with a nickname for Bowe – “Louisiana Drop Sauce”. Decent but not great. Hopefully, the hot sauce from the wings, I am devouring, will get the blood flowing back to my brain so I can come up with a better one.
7:48 PM – So, the Jets have a nice start to the second half with a long TD drive. Guess what – they decided to dedicate themselves to the running game. Who knew that keeping the game out of Sanchwez’ hands would work. Nice!
7:56 PM – OK, bold prediction here – if the Jets stop the Colts on this possession, they win the game! Yep, it’s that simple
8:01 PM – Wow, that is why Manning is Manning – he read the defense perfectly and checked into an Addai run, on 3rd and 9 no less, for a first down. I am not sure what is more surprising – that the Jets exposed themselves like that or that Addai was actually able to run 14 yards without collapsing from exhaustion.
8:05 PM – The Colts add a field goal for a 10-7 lead. So the Jets did not stop them, therefore this game is still up for grabs.
8:10 PM – The J E T S are on the move, prompting another bold prediction – if the Jets take the lead, they will win the game! Ok, that might not be a brass balls prediction since the game is headed to the fourth quarter. Oh and I think I came up with the Dwayne Bowe nickname – “The Kansas City Live Drop Exchange”. It’s a peach!
8:12 PM – The Jets are pretty much giving the Colts the Ralph Cifaretto treatment (think of “Ralphie” when he was with Tony Soprano’s sister, Janice, way back!), but an angry, Angerer has had enough as he angrily slams Shonn Greene to the turf for a two yard loss.
8:15 PM – FOUR! We head to the 4th quarter with the Colts leading 10-7. A quick survey of the bar yields maybe eight total football fans (five are at my table). One Jet fan is sitting with a Colt fan, which is complete anarchy and I am trying to coax my Jet friend to go give him the business. The one thing that livens up a boring game is a good bar fight!
8:21 PM – Answer – “The Jets scoring drive”; the question – “What takes 17 plays and 10 minutes?
8:24 PM – Now, the Jets can feel it, it feels soft, so soft, right Rex?
8:27 PM – The Colts surprise running on third down catches the Jets off-guard for the third time in the second half.
8:31 PM – Wow, Antonio Cromartie has looked bad tonight. He just gave up a 3&8, where the game is over if he makes a play. A couple more plays like that would give Cromartie sole title as “the worst DB of the day”.
8:33 PM – The thing about Peyton Machinning is that he lacks the subjectivity to realize when he is being setup. Another 3 & 7, to which Manning sees the same look, checks to an ill-advised run that the Jets eat alive. Field goal to bring the Colts to within 1 – 4 minutes to play.
8:36 PM – This game has turned out to be relatively entertaining, of course, I like it much better because the team I am rooting for is winning.
8:40 PM – Three first downs and the game is O V E R.
8:41 PM – Nice drop Santonio – maybe the 5th round pick was an overpay considering you just cost the Jets the game! Jets are punting – the chances of them getting the ball back with the lead are slim.
8:42 PM – Oh my, the worst play of the year in any sports just happened – #10 on the Colts ran into the kicker, thus giving the Jets a first down. Nice play, #10! In the postgame aftermath, Colts fans will lament #10, literally, because they had no idea the identity of #10. I think Art Schlichter wore #10, bad omen!
8:43 PM – One first down, two to go.
8:46 PM – Third down for the Jets – with the whole season on the line – Mark Sanchez overthrows “Kid Drop”. Nice season, Jets, thanks for playing!
8:53 PM – I swear that Adam Vinatieri will make any kick of any distance in a big spot – he’s like the NFL’s version of Big Shot Robert Horry. Captain clutch nails a 50 yard field goal that I know he would’ve missed short during a random regular season game against the Texans. The good news – barring a defensive touchdown I will break into the win column for the 2011 playoffs. The bad news – I can totally see Freeney coming around the end, knocking the ball loose, scooping it up and running it in for the covering score.
8:55 PM – That settles it – Roman Harper is the WDBOTD (worst defensive back of the day) as Cromartie returnds the kickoff to the Jets 46. OK, 20 yards gives Nick Folk a shot from 51, but realistically the Jets need 35 yards to feel safe with Folk.
8:58 PM – Edwards with a catch and fumble – but he recovers it.
8:59 PM – Santonio Holmes makes a catch that moves the Jets to within field goal range – 51 yards – with 35 seconds to play.
9:01 PM – What are the Jets doing running the ball? They gained a paltry two yards. They also had to burn their final timeout with 29 seconds left. 49 yard field goal from here, for Folk is about a 25% chance. They need yards. Whoa, the Colts called timeout. Quick, someone get Jim Caldwell’s headset, play sheet or even his hat, we need something to send to the Football Bonehead Hall of Fame for calling a timeout on defense, with the clock running. There are only two coaches in America, Andy Reid and Mike McCarthy, that don’t have a problem with that timeout.
9:03 PM – Coming out of their timeout the Colts were able to dial up a coverage scheme that would allow an 18 yard catch on the sideline. See what I mean by the Colts “wanting to die” for weeks, this game was the Friday the 13th, Part 18!
9:05 PM – I am still nervous that Folk will miss a 32 yarder. Yikes, whew, snuck it in. J E T S win, aptly by a foot!
Good night, good night!
