I modified the division names to honor (or dishonor) three of the worst head coaches in the history of the NFL. I used the following criteria:
- Overall bad record, with extra weight on total number of games
- Consistent losing seasons
- Number of opportunities to be a head coach
- Tradition of the team coaching
After careful consideration here are the new divisions and a short blurb about why they made the cut:
North is now called the “Joe Bugel” division.
Why Joe Bugel? Joe’s overall coaching record is 24-56 (a lofty .700 losing percentage). He had two head coaching stints – one with Arizona and the one with the Raiders. He came from the lineage of Joe Gibbs, the coach of the Redskin offensive line “Hogs”.
The great thing about Buges is that he always seemed to have the team headed in the right direction, but would fail when the chips were on the line. In 1990 he managed to lose his last 3 three games that would have gotten the Cardinals to 8-8. In 1991 he started out a respectable 2-0, 3-2 and 4-4. The local radio shows were playing the equivalent of the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle song every 10 minutes. Super Joe finished 0-8 that year.
Remarkably that 0-8 finish was enough to get him back for another season. In 1992 he started 0-3 (for those counting at home – 11 straight losses) and 1-6. He won two games in the middle of the year and then finished very un-Lombardi like 1-6 to end up with his second straight 4-12 season.
Cards management agreed that the 1-6 finish was enough to see one more year out of Bugel. He started the 1992 season 2-6, but finished strong at 5-3, to win a career high 7 games. The Cardinals inexplicably fired Bugel after this year.
Amazingly enough the Raiders thought enough of this crafty, “tell it like it is” players coach to give him another shot in 1997.
That season can best be remembered for the Monday night game in week 2 against the Chiefs. The 0-1 Raiders were coming off a tough, hard fought loss to the Oilers in week 1 (no shame in that) and were leading KC by 6 with less than a minute to play. On 4th and a mile from the Oakland 35, Elvis Grab found Andre Rison in the end zone for the game winner. The camera shot of Bugel after the play was priceless. He looked at a man who after being constipated for two weeks, finally gets some relief but horrifyingly looks over and spots an empty toilet paper spool. Amateur lip readers had no problem making out the words Bugel spoke – “That was f—ing horrible”.
The Raiders limped to a 4-12 and unlike the Cardinals the Raiders saw the light and fired Bugel after one season.
Bugel today is right where he should be coaching the offensive line in Washington.
The Central is now known as the “Marion Campbell” division
Marion Campbell’s career record as a head coach in the NFL is 34-80-1, for a losing percentage of .700. Nobody in NFL history has coached more games and had a higher losing percentage. With that on his resume, he is a no-brainer inclusion.
His head coaching career started in 1974 with the Atlanta Falcons, he was given the interim job when the Falcons fired Norm Van Brocklin after a 2-6 start. The Falcons saw enough in Campbell ’s 1-5 finish to know he was their guy.
Sure enough Campbell did improve the next year – to 4-10. At that pace the Falcons were headed for the playoffs in say, 7 years. That was enough to get him a third year, which was cut short by a 1-4 start.
Seven years later the Eagles decided that a more mature Campbell was the right fit to take over for a burned out Dick Vermeil. A team that was coming off a Super Bowl appearance just three years before, Campbell continued his tradition of perpetual losing, amassing an overall record of 17-29-1 with the Eagles.
After a disappointing 7-8-1 season in 1986, the Falcons fired their head coach and re-hired Campbell to lead them to the Promised Land. A team on the cusp of greatness needed a great leader like Campbell . Campbell managed 11 wins in three seasons and set the Falcons back an additional year.
Before his arrival the Falcons were on the verge of post-season and the two years after his departure they were in the playoffs. That is true coaching failure, but that futility is good enough to get a Fantasy Football division named after him.
Unfortunately for him a fourth team could not see the genius in his coaching to give him another crack.
The South is now known as the “Dave Campo” division
Dave Campo made the final cut despite having only one coaching stint and a relatively small amount of games coached. His biggest attribute is his consistency and the fact that he coached a proud Dallas franchise into the ground.
The Cowboys had not known such paltry results since the early years of their franchise in the 60s. Campo compiled a 15-33 record in his three full years in Dallas (a losing percentage of .688). Remarkably, he finished 5-11 each year.
The year preceding his arrival the Cowboys finished a respectable 8-8 and the year after his departure the Cowboys returned to respectability at 10-6. In fairness to Campo, his tenure came at the end of the road for the triplets and the Cowboys mired in “salary cap hell”. Nonetheless, Campo had talent and never got that talent to perform up to snuff on game day.
Some of his career highlights include the highest losing percentage in the history of the Cowboys and losing to the expansion Houston Texans in first ever game. Campo’s claim to fame is his innate ability to butcher seemingly obvious game day decisions. For example, he wasn’t much of a mathematician, he refused to go for two late in games when trailing by ten and he thought adding a field goal when up three was icing a game.
Others Considered:
- Mike Martz – managed to take a young, talented Super Bowl champion team to only one Super Bowl in four years. Possibly only Campo was a worse game manager, game day decisions maker. He did go to a Super Bowl and the playoffs 3 of his 5 years.
- Frank Kush – ASU legendary coach found it difficult to control a pro team when he could not administer mental and physical beatings. 11-28-1 a worse percentage than our three winners, er, losers. However, he was given only one shot and it was with a team that did not improve after he left or was any better before he got there.
- Marty Mornhinweg/Chris Palmer – these two have identical 5-27 (an amazing 844 losing percentage) career records. Each coached two seasons and were shown the door. Both guys are on the bubble for inclusion if an NFL team were to give them another shot.
- Bruce Coslet – bad coach, with a bad record (47-77 .621 LP) and a couple of opportunities. He was left out because his losing percentage is considerably lower and he actually had a 7-2 after taking over the Bengals in 1996. He also made the playoffs one year (of course he lost the playoff game) and had two .500 seasons with the Jets (which is like having a 12-4 season with a real franchise)
- Dan Henning – 38-73-1 .656 losing percentage. If we had a 4th division this is the guy. Two stints never had a winning record and never made the playoffs. Campbell beats him out because they essentially had the same team and Henning managed 7 wins while Campbell could muster only 3.
